In This Darkness

You Made Me Change

(Loris pov)

I was lying in bed, while tears were sliding down my cheeks, they were red from every blow of Tom.I was leaning on my back, and my hips were shaking with every sob I let out.I felt bad and I was hungry, but I couldn't eat anything. I got out of bed and rummaged through Tom's drawers, looking for cigars. I found them on a dresser and took them. There was a lighter next to it. I opened the window and leaned against him while I puffed on tobacco.Nearby I heard the joyful screams of children, this happened to me when I was little and I always let out those joyful children's screams, and now I only hear the screams of nausea. This made me shed more tears. I was hungry, my stomach was cramping, but I hated going downstairs to eat something. I'd rather starve here than go down there.I threw the cigar out the window and closed it. I went to the mirror, I was messy. The smudged makeup was still on my face, and I was still wearing the dress from last night.I left the room and headed for the bathroom. I noticed Tom's slut just a few meters ahead of me,she was coming out of the bathroom. She heard the doorknob creak and turned towards my door.She gave me a mischievous smile and approached me.She looked at me, crossed her arms, and then addressed me with the words "Look at how you look". It sounded offensive. I looked down at my dress, then gave her a feeble look back.She came closer to me, took a lock of my hair and twisting that lock said "I don't know why Tom is keeping you in his house, he has me."I muttered to myself, "I don't know either..." and pulled away from her. She gave me another mischievous smile and started to go down the stairs.

Tom's demon woke up in me again, some force seemed to be telling me to kick her down the stairs. Her words annoyed me, she insulted me as if I were a  slut, and she doesn't know that Tom will fuck her and cheat on her like he did me.I took big steps towards her and kicked her in the back, after which she fell on her nose and rolled down the stairs. I thought she was done, that she was dead, I didn't want to kill her. I ran quickly down the stairs.She was on the floor, her nose was bleeding. I lifted her head off the floor, not knowing what made me do this. I heard Tom's quick steps towards me and looked at him. I quickly ran away from this girl, and she started raising her head"Lori, what did you do?!"he shouted at me, lifting her head, and I moved a few meters away from them and held my hand over my mouth, not even knowing what I had consciously done. A tear slid down my cheek and I tried to answer Tom "I, I... "

(After half an hour)

I found out this girl's name is Zoe. She lay on the couch for 20 minutes and now she felt better and wanted to go home. Tom called a taxi for her and paid for her. I looked down the hall, she was at the door, and Tom was holding her by the shoulders."Get rid of that whore, I don't know what she'll do now that you've got me," Zoe said, curling up next to Tom, and he replied "I will, don't worry." His words scared me, I wouldn't be surprised if Tom got rid of me.They kissed, and she ran out of the house running towards the taxi driver who was already waiting for her.Tom closed the door roughly, sighed and walked towards me. Tears streamed down my face, knowing that it was my fault for hurting Zoe and now I felt guilty. "Tom, she was insulting me." I said as he walked up to me. "That's no excuse, she didn't deserve to be pushed by you."In fact, I don't need to make excuses for Tom, he destroys people's lives, just like he did mine, so I snapped at him, "Maria didn't deserve to be dead either, so you killed her. That goes for Nick and Cruce and many others."Tom couldn't stand it when someone was right and he wasn't. Anger flashed in his eyes.Tom came up to me and grabbed my hair, again. He was yelling at me, I didn't even listen to him anymore. I kicked him in the dick, but that didn't stop him for long and he immediately started on me. I went up the stairs and ran into the bathroom .I locked the door, and he was banging on it, yelling at me.

I was leaning a little against the door listening to Tom's voice yelling at me "I'll wait for you here until you come out" and he was banging on the door.I slowly moved away from the door and approached the mirror. I looked at the reflection of my face, while Tom kept pounding.I looked at my long wavy hair. She was always my confidant, I always took care of her, and now Tom had caused her so much pain and I hated my hair so much. Tom's fingerprint was on every hair and now I hate my hair.I could no longer watch how Tom used my hair as a leash,like I'm a fucking dog. My hair looked as if it was dry, and before I always took care of it and I liked it to be long, clean and beautiful.I looked at the scissors that were on the dresser next to the sink. Yes, I want to cut my hair as short as I want. I grabbed the scissors, took one last look at my long wavy hair and placed the scissors among my hair.I started to cut her roughly and forcefully. Tears poured down my cheeks, my eyes blurred and I listened to my quiet sobs and the sounds of scissors, and Tom was constantly banging and shouting.I never wanted to cut my long hair, I wouldn't let my mom take me to the hairdresser, and now I cut it willingly because Tom made me hate my hair.I cut my hair imprecisely, I didn't care how it looked, I just wanted to get rid of it. I couldn't destroy it anymore and it was destroyed anyway. Now it was shoulder length, curvy and not precisely cut at all.I threw the scissors on the floor. My face was covered with tears, my eyes were red. My long hair was gone, now it was shoulder length hair, disfigured and undefined. Tom made me change and hate everything I used to enjoy.