Today was my last first day of secondary school. It terrifies me to think of it like that. Today was fine, stressful, but fine. It wasn't exciting to see people again because I don't care about them.
I'm struggling to enjoy school currently as I think I'm feeling depressed again. My anxiety is too high to let me function and I'm completely in pieces over one of my hard language subjects. No matter how I reassure myself it never helps. The class went fine today but I dread the times when I'll be alone with my one friend out.
My life shouldn't work like that but it does. I think I should have the conversation with my teacher regarding doing a higher or ordinary level. I know she'll tell me to stay but it's awful to feel stressed during that class. Feeling my heart thump makes me hate the class even more. I love my teacher but my lack of understanding frightens me. The class is taught in the language and no matter how many times I try to convince myself that it'll be fine and I need to be much more care free, I can't. Something in my mind stops me and I stay in the corner, fearful I'll be called on or we will do group work.
My classmates are lovely and I know they won't judge me for not knowing something or saying things wrong but I feel embarrassed. I'm hoping things will get better over the next week and Ill get back into the routine of things.
So far I've enjoyed the rest of my classes, I'm feeling the pressure already but I'm trying to not let it get to my head.
I need to remind myself that things will be okay and I have people around me to support me when I'm struggling. I can only try and nobody will be mad at me for that.
Why is it so hard.
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Being 16 (17*)(18**) is so much fun 🥱🙄
Non-FictionJust a 18 year old talking about things in my life because talking to people is very uncool and I can't fucking take keeping it in anymore. Everything in this is completely true except for names. I would obviously never reveal them because these are...
