Being 16 (17*)(18**)(19***) is so much fun 🥱🙄

College

I got my results on the 23rd. Me and mum were in the car and had just dropped my brother to school when my best friend text in the group chat to say the results were out.
I logged in as quickly as I could and instantly started to cry. I was disappointed. I didn't get what I wanted in half of my subjects. My art grade broke my heart and I felt rotten to my core over it.

I got to my dining room table but I just kept crying over it. I expected to get a top grade and I got a mid, average one. I still am absolutely horrified and shattered over it. I got fine grades for the country, average for my school. I think I did fine, I'm struggling to see it when some of the people around me are always talking about their great grades and points.

I got my college offer today and I got my first choice as my first offer. I immediately accepted it and I'm delighted. Despite my poor art grade, I still got my course and I'm going to college!

My best friend even got into my college so we get to continue school together. I'm terrified honestly but I always knew it would be scary, I just need to get it over with.

I keep feeling a mix of emotions. From disappointment with my results, to happiness over my irish grade, frustration over a piercing gone wrong, to new pink and black hair, back to fomo with my friends, to my dream pair of shoes, to back pain, getting into college, not getting congratulated by anyone.

I think I try to not let it upset me when everyone ignores my accomplishments but it gets to me. I know my mum is proud and told me so but it feels forgotten so quickly and rushed away with everything else in their lives.

Is it wrong to feel forgotten? It's an awful feeling of dread and loneliness and I truly don't enjoy it. I think I'll forever be attached to that piece of loneliness but I hope the string gets thinner with time and I can eventually tell my mum this is how I feel and I just wish she liked me more than she did.
I know she does love me, but sometimes I think she prefers Eoin and Hollie. We never spend time together, she always asks hollie to come, or just brings her anyway. I feel left behind. They don't even want me there. I feel lonely all the time, sometimes it's more prominent and crushing, while usually I can handle it.

Recently, feeling ignored by both my family and friendgroup, it hasn't been easy for me and I'm in a situation where I feel stuck. They don't realise I'm hurting yet saying something about it will make it harder for me.

For now, I'll keep to myself with what's going on and we'll keep my good grades (a1 in english and a4 in Irish!) and my college offer. The prom this weekend too. Staying positive is best for me and things will work out my darling.

With all my love,
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