It's December now, the cold month, a week from Christmas, only 30 weeks or so days away from my finals. I'm not entirely sure when it was that I fell into this slump that I'm currently in, I can't really remember when I felt like me again and not the me that I show everyone else, the me that feels content with myself.
Yesterday, I thought I had a breakthrough because I finally cleaned my room, sort of, and did things that I had been putting off for weeks, if not months by now. It felt good and I was happy to make the progress but today I took some steps back, it hasn't fully gone away yet. I still feel like I'm wearing my mask to be happy in front of my friends. Although, for the first time in a long while, I text my friends and asked to talk for a bit. I think I scared them because I never really text those types of things. I'm feeling less on edge as I chat with them.
My online friend made me uncomfortable today so that amplified my lonely feelings. It made me want to be alone again and I suddenly remembered why I'm better off being on my own. I think things will be fine again in a few days, maybe once I've finished my stressful exams that are happening at current.
The break will give me time to hide away and feel like me again, something I'm desiring at this point.
Depression is hard to deal with on my own but I can't ask for help. I just continue to help myself and get better over time. I don't think that's how it works but maybe I can convince myself that it is.
I need to be more honest about my emotions but that's hard. I'm sure I'll learn, Or at least I hope so. Whether it's for my own sake or someone else's.
I suppose what I have to remind myself is that, progress is progress.
Goodbye
YOU ARE READING
Being 16 (17*)(18**)(19***) is so much fun 🥱🙄
Non-FictionJust a 18 year old talking about things in my life because talking to people is very uncool and I can't fucking take keeping it in anymore. Everything in this is completely true except for names. I would obviously never reveal them because these are...
