When I was thirteen, I thought I was the most average human being ever. Sometimes I still do. There was nothing particularly special about me, I have four siblings and live in a small town in the suburbs of the capital of my country. I love my hair, I obsess over my eyelashes and, of course, my nails. If you would have glanced at me a few years ago, I would look to be the most basic girl to ever exist. I liked boys, only the tall, cute ones and I had no hobbies.
Maybe it was when I lost my crush on someone special that I finally realized I was so boring. I had liked said person for over a year when they suddenly got with another one of my friends, It hurt but I couldn't do anything. Nobody knew I liked them and life went on. I will always thank this person for making me realize I wasn't straight and there are still dear to my heart. This person was cool and unbothered by others, something that I struggled to be.
When people used to look at me, I would smile and maybe even give a wave. I looked like a nice, respectful teenager, one that wasn't obsessed with herself, and someone that cared for everyone, especially her friends. Now when people look towards me, I'm sure I look the opposite of someone who cares about others. I glare at people because it's fun, and I roll my eyes openly. Im sure I sound like a typical angsty teenager except I don't run around looking for trouble. I stay locked up in my room, ignoring my friends because I rarely find the occasion to enjoy their company. In my personal and educated opinion, I didn't get prettier as others have said, I just stopped caring about others' opinions. I want blonde hair? Im having it. I want to hate everyone In the world? My fucking pleasure.
I do have to wonder if the way I feel is purely because I have dealt with the shitty low of having backstabbing friends and an alcoholic father. Sometimes I feel too mature to be seventeen. I feel like I miss out on the highs of being a stupid teenager but then again, that's how I was raised. Be independent and trust in yourself but you must get married and serve your husband. That ideology has been pushed onto me since I was young and I'm sure it has only empowered my desire to scream 'I hate men'
Don't get me wrong, I quite often romanticise things but then I am reminded that I am intolerable and it's all in my head almost immediately. I wish that I had the guts to run away some time and find someone or someplace where my life here could be forgotten. I have a fine life but when I lie in bed at night with no friends or family to talk to, my unknown future and pressure to be a responsible young adult, I wish I was somewhere else. I don't really understand where my attitude came from but all I know is that I have no reason to hold back my scoff and eye rolls if someone bothers me. It's embarrassing when people annoy me and I try my very best to withstand the annoyance.
Then again, I'm sure there are people in this world that will understand the way I feel. I think I have multiple personalities hidden in me. or maybe it's just poor mental health. Lord knows!
Maybe I am boring, or plain but at least I am fake because I want to be and choose to be. As long as I'm aware of it then it's fine. Nobody but me knows the real way I act, think, or speak. God people are so oblivious to things. Fine by me.
Just a nice little reminder bitchess, you're only boring if you make yourself so. Become who you want, fuck anyone that says otherwise or judges you, be that mysterious cool kid, be a school-obsessed freak. don't obsess over others and remember that the only person you should be staring at is yourself. life is unfair but doesn't mean you can't still fuck your way to what you want. and no, I do not mean sexual style, I mean getting what you want through hard work, through pain, whatever the fuck it is. if you want something, do not take no as a stupid fucking answer. Life is boring enough if you stay pleasing everyone. Only please yourself and barely glance at others if you have the time.
Your top priority is you.
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Being 16 (17*)(18**)(19***) is so much fun 🥱🙄
Non-FictionJust a 18 year old talking about things in my life because talking to people is very uncool and I can't fucking take keeping it in anymore. Everything in this is completely true except for names. I would obviously never reveal them because these are...
