Being 16 (17*)(18**)(19***) is so much fun 🥱🙄

senior year

Some people look forward to this year. Just one final year of hard work until they are out... Sweet freedom.
   I know I'll feel similar once I'm in college doing what I love but I think back on thirteen year old me.. the thirteen year old that was terrified to walk to class on her own, the girl that made lots of new friends, the girl that found her passion for art, the girl that lost friends, the girl that got bullied, the girl who struggled to love herself and find happiness.

The world was, and is, a scary place. It was a lot less scarier when it was six years away but now it's crawled up on me. Maybe it's because I got distracted, laughing with my friends over stupid shit or maybe I didn't think things would happen so fast.
    I hate when people describe their life like a book because yes, in some sense you do write your own story, but no. You don't go through life in chapters. Once your done with this one you close it and never flick back to the previous page. Life doesn't move robotically and I'd much rather think that it's movement.

Life is about movement. New experiences, old memories, new job, old house, new friends, old enemies. Everything moves and changes as time goes on but it doesn't mean you can't look back and appreciate what happened or learn from it. Closing chapters of your life leads to no growth.

I like to think I'll be happy once I'm done my state exams and I'm going out into the world. I know it'll be scary because I'll be the little fish again. Academically, life works like a ladder. You spend all your school years climbing to the top, only to be back at fresh bait in college. Similar to a new job.

I suppose it isn't the mundane things in life that shape who we are but all the things in-between. We all go through the similar cycles but each person has a different life. Different passions, different name, different friends. That's what I think makes life so special. Nothing is ever the same.

Senior year is starting tomorrow and I'm scared, terrified actually. It's not like I can stop it or prevent it from happening so I'll roll with the dice given. I've spent years discovering who I am, and although I'm not sure who I want to be since that'll always chnage, I know I'll be fine. Even if I feel like I can't go on and the world's falling apart, I just need to keep going.

I'll miss being a fifth year and 17 because they fit so perfectly but I suppose being 18 is where it's at baby.

Life is scary to think about but I just want to keep reminding myself that all I need to focus on being, is happy.

So good night motherfuckers.