Being 16 (17*)(18**)(19***) is so much fun 🥱🙄

Isolation

I got covid. yipee. not. 

I know it sounds kind of crazy to be saying I got covid now but this is my first time having it. I feel so immensely disappointed in myself for getting it. My only personality is being different. I was so proud that I hadn't got it and quite honestly, I was safe. I wore a mask for over a year once the regulations here dropped. I don't want to speak or think about those details now so I'll talk about something different. 

Barcelona is probably one of the greatest times I've had in the last while. I had so much fun and just thinking about it makes me giddy. I spent a lot of time with someone I've come to feel strongly towards. I'm trying my hardest to ignore all the negative things right now but it's getting tough. 

Lucy has expressed through a little letter that she recognises the drift between us. The letter was part of a game my friends and I played. Everyone's letter was really sweet and went into my letter folder. I felt disgusted, betrayed, and so hurt that she could say that. As if she is totally oblivious as to what she has done to make me 'drift' away. I feel so alone. I can't even admit to my other friend what's going on and how terribly I feel about it all. I'm so desperate to just tell them what's happened but I don't want to ruin anybody else's friendship. I don't want people to view Lucy differently and I keep trying to ignore everything but I don't think we are supposed to be friends. 

I'm sure If I told my other friends the things Lucy said to me without mentioning her name then they would tell me to block her and end the friendship. Deep down I know Lucy is just an immature teenage girl but I can't ignore what she said to me. It's been pounding in my head the way she disregarded my admission about depression so blatantly and the fact that she doesn't see anything wrong or probably doesn't even recall the night makes me fucking furious. I don't know who to turn to. I want to admit it all but I can't. What would happen If I do, I might ruin friendships and all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. 

God, I feel like such a fool and I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I want to so desperately tell my other, and only, friends about what's happening but they think I'm fine. I'm just trying my hardest to be fine but Lucy is making things so hard. I've enjoyed my week break from her but I know I'll have to see her soon but until all this is over and I can live a somewhat peaceful life, I'll try my best to be a happy person. 

goodnight fuckrs