My Muse

21

MINA POV

"Wait..."

Lisa interrupts our marathon with heavy breathing. She's catching her breath and takes away her hand from me to put them on her knees.

The loss of contact makes me feel empty.

"Sorry, are you alright?"

I ask as I catch my breath too but more quiet than hers.

I was so focused on taking her away and silencing my shattering heart that I didn't notice we were already far from the studio.

I also forgot that she's already exhausted from all the dancing and I made her run that much.

Stupid. Dumbass bitch as Kim always said.

I know it. No, everybody knows that she likes Lisa not only as a friend (they are not friends anyway) except the two of them.

Jennie seems to budge those feelings away, while I can see that Lisa is a woman who couldn't move.

I knew that there was some tension going on between the two of them ever since.

But like Jennie said I'm a dumbass bitch that let myself fall for someone who likes another woman.

It sucks, but what can I do? My heart chooses her every day even if it already knows that it will never be me.

But I'm taking that 0.1% chance I get from Jennie's stupidity.

"C'mon, let's sit there."

I point and walk to the bench near the park. We sit together and stare at nothingness.

Silence envelopes us. But my shattering heart is too loud, making me want to take it out of my chest and throw it away since it was damaged already.

I look at her and notice the pain in her eyes that mirrors mine.

We feel the same pain. The difference is I'm looking directly at the sun.

It hurts but I chose this.

Maybe, just maybe, she can look at me the same way she looks at her and choose me after a month or a year.

Here I am again, getting my hopes up. When will I learn to ever stop?

"Do you know a medicine that will cure my heart?"

Lisa breaks the silence. Her question makes me laugh inside. If I know the fucking medicine, I wouldn't be here, sharing the same pain with her.

Yet, I want to answer,

Use me. Use me to forget her.

But I didn't. I don't have the guts to say it out loud. She'll reject me, for sure, and my heart won't be able to take it.

No, not today.

I want to like her as long as I can... As long as she's single, I will be here.

"What do you mean?"

I asked, feigning innocence.

"You didn't know?"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Why did you pull me out of there?"

She slightly chuckles that didn't meet her eyes.

One chance, Lisa, please.

"Your face screamed help. I just know that I needed to get you out there."

I shrug, making Lisa squeeze my hand.