The Nightmare Of Life

Chapter-18: Not as naïve as we thought

I hold my notepad close and make surer to make eye contact with my customers. After the order is done I make my way to the back room where Cade my manager walks up to me. "You're good to go Tiff have a good night" I hand him my notepad and walk out the building to my car. I always leave my phone in the car so I never get distracted at work. After starting the car my phone dings. Its Derek "I'm so sorry again for scarring you. I know I've apologized like a dozen times but I really am sorry and I want to see you. Please respond whenever you have the chance" To be honest I haven't spoke to Derek since that night at Serena's, I just want to focus on me right now. Honestly I cut out most of my friends except for Serena. just don't need the drama anymore, but I do kind of like Derek. "Fine, Tomorrow morning my place" after I send that I drive home. Once I get inside I toss my keys on the counter and plop on the cough. It's 9:30pm and I am toasted. My normal routine is simple, I work Monday-Thursday 2am-9pm and then I come home and sleep. I used to go to the bar every Saturday and Sunday but I haven't been to the bar since that night Jake, Serena and I had that meeting. I still feel I am the blame for breaking those two up, its just Alicia started getting close, we would text each other basically every day and when she came up with that plan I felt I needed to help her but hey in the end Jake and Alicia are happy together and Serena and Jake seem to be close at least to me. Hey everyone Its Tiffany. I felt since Zyra got to do it I should do it as well and that's break the forth wall. I know you probably think of me as a bitch and you have every right to think that but I promise I'm really not that shallow I just been through way to much... But that's not really an excuse now is it because I know people that have been through worse then I have. So I figured I will let you get to know the real me in hopes that you would see me in a different light. I will work on my relationship[ with Jake I promise. Lets see where should I start. Ah I got it lets just do the basics. My full name is Tiffany Lyn Wood I am 22 years old and yes before you ask yes Wood is my last name. My parents are Chase and Sydney Wood whom were high school sweethearts. My parents are still alive but live in New York and we do still have a good relationship but I wanted to be on my own and really didn't want to live in New York so I moved here when I was 20 with basically nothing but the clothes on my back. This is when I met Derek. He let me stay at his house for a couple months while I got a job and enough money to move to where I live now which is a cozy one bedroom house not anything really to fancy but its perfect to me and it has a driveway and a small garage so i really can't complain. Lets see my childhood was something lets just say that. I was always picked on in school because I have a learning disability so it was really hard for me to get through school. I would have to constantly ask questions and I couldn't retain information reading I needed someone to read to me for my mind to retain the information. Still to this day I have a hard time. Other then school I was happy. I had an older brother, his name was Conner and it felt like we were the best of friends, he would read my homework to me every night just so I could compete it, he would help me study for all my tests. Here's where things get bleak. Conner was born with a heart defect, the doctors only estimated he would live 15 years. But Conner broke that by three years. He unfortunately passed away at the age of 18, I was 16 at the time and this is going to sound bad but I wasn't devastated when he passed because all the time we spent together he would always tell me that he knows he doesn't have long so he would always make the best out of every situation so when he passed it truly felt like we lived our whole lives together, now I'm not going to lie I do miss him from time to time but I know that he would want me to be happy. To remember him I have this gold ring that he bough me for my 15th birthday. Its real gold and is worth up to 10k. He bought it with his share of grandma's inheritance. I wear it everywhere I go so it feels like he's always with me. Lets move on to something else. Lets see my high school days they were alright. I was a varsity cheerleader but I feel I made the team because of my looks. I fell in love with a guy in my class. We dated for three years and it was the best three years. We split up mutually because he wanted to stay in New York and I really didn't but there was no hard feelings as a matter of fact we remained close friends until I moved, we don't talk anymore unfortunately but maybe its foe the best. I got my porch a year after I moved here, I saved all the money I could and yes in heigh sight I should have bought something different but I felt after a year of taking the bus and or walking everywhere I go I deserved to have something really nice. Lets see what else should you know about me. Ah! How I met Serena and the rest of the gang besides Derek of course. That's simple... The bar. Derek took me to the bar and introduced me to Theo and Joe and we all met Serena I want to say a couple months after. She was incredibly shy when we first met her. Now we can never get her to shut up. We were so close. Okay now I guess its time to get to the reason why I come off as a bitch. Well... I was involved in a hit and run... My car broke down one night and my phone was dead so I thought why not lock up the car and walk home because my house was roughly a mile away and I love to be active. So I locked up my car and went on my way. Well roughly half a mile into my walk a car was following me. I noticed and tried to walk faster towards hopefully an alley that I could duck into but that's not what happened. The car sped up, and... it hit me, shattered my leg, broke many ribs and to make matters worse the car drove off leaving me in the street. I passed out because of the pain and woke up in the hospital. Nobody but Serena visited me for the month I was in the hospital and I guess I kind of took offense to that. I needed 15 screws to repair my leg, I know that doesn't excuse my behaver but I tend to shut myself down when bad things happen to me and the inner bitch comes out, I know it sounds ridiculous but its how I am I guess. So before I let you get back to the story I need to tell you one more thing. I'm bisexual. I had... we I guess still have a massive crush on Serena and I know what you're thinking "why if this girl likes her why is she being a jerk to her" Honestly I don't know how to answer that but never mind that nobody knows so shh and yes I know I said I kind of like Derek but that's just me trying to hide how I really feel. Anyway I hope that now you know a little about me maybe you will think better of me. But... This should be the last forth wall break of the book... Well... Maybe... I wake up the next morning in my soft queen sized mattress. After sitting up I check my phone and laugh at the time. Its 10am. I hear a knock on my door and for a moment I don't want to get out of bed but I know I have to. Groggy I walk to the door and open it to Derek standing outside holding roses. He stands there nervously. "Here... May I come in please" I take the flowers and hold the door open for him. He walks in slowly and sits on the couch. After shutting the door I sit next to him and sigh. "I hope you know flowers isn't going to fix everything." he looks up at my words and lets put a weary sigh. "I know... I just thought it was a start. Is there anything I could do?" I sigh and try not to make eyes contact. "I don't know D... You're a drunk and have been for a while... I mean the other night I was afraid you were going to hurt me and if Jake hadn't shown up when he did you just might have I can't trust you Derek" he seems to take in my words and tries to put a comforting hand on my thy but I flinch away "Tiff please... I would never and I mean never hurt you. and I know I have a problem but I haven't touched a bottle of alcohol since that night. I am willing to change for you" I push myself up "what happens when you do again then what?" he pushes himself up and we make eye contact. "what about you Tiff. You get to go around being a total bitch when you want but with me a person who has a addiction that's it. I am trying here Tiffany. please let me" I point at the door "Get out" I say in a low angered tone. He sighs and begins walking towards the do but abruptly stops and faces me. "You know what no. You don't get to kick me out" I chuckle at his comment "its my house, you do know that right?" He rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Tiffany. I'm sorry. All I want is a chance to be with you. Go on a date with me and if you don't like it then I will stop trying to pursue you." I let out a weary sigh "Fine. I'm free tomorrow night" he gives me a wide smile "Thank you. Ill pick you up at 8" I return with a weary smile "Cool not get out" he takes my words nods his head and leaves. I know I can be a real ass sometimes but he called me a bitch and I don't trust that he won't stop drinking. I shake my thoughts when I hear my phone ringing. I dash to the room and pick up my phone. "Hey Serena!" "Hey girl, I took the day off and am bored you should come over" "dude I'm game give me like 30 minutes and ill see you soon" "Awesome girl. See you soon" after I hang up I have the biggest smile on my face. I dash to my room grab my clothes and dash to the shower. After my shower I get in my short shorts with a black blouse. After I am changed I look in the mirror. I a told multiple times by so many people that I am a natural beauty but I really don't feel that way. I'm very insecure of my looks and I know I don't show it but I truly am. I do my makeup and now can confidently se something beautiful looking back at me. The last thing I need to do is my hair obviously. I never have my hair up its always down. Since I don't feel like trying today I decided to just put it up into pony tail. Finally I am finished getting ready. Its been 40 minutes and I told Serena 30. I know for sure she is going to make fun of me the moment I walk in that house. I grab my keys, wallet and phone and leave my apartment. After getting in my car and I want to say a 20 minute drive I finally arrive at Serena's and park right behind her. I let out a weary sigh as my heart pounds. "Come on Tiff its Serena you don't need to be nervous" I think to myself as I finally get the courage to open my door. I walk up to her do and hive it a gentle knock. After a few moment she opens it. She has her hair curled and has light makeup. Her beauty hurts me because every time I see her I just want to kiss her... I shake any thoughts I have "Wow! You're alive I though you died or something" she laughs as she lets me inside and closes the door behind me. "Nope still alive just needed to get prettied up" she blushes "awe for me" she chuckles and takes me to the couch. "So I really didn't think this through. I don't know what we are going to do. We both chuckle at her comment. "ah yes leave it to Serena to not have any plans" I laugh. She playfully shoves me. "hey that's not true" she responds with a small laugh. I jokingly roll my eyes. "ohhh guess what girl. I am going on a date with Derek tomorrow" her eyes go wide. "really Derek" she responds her tone unreadable. "I've heard of lowered standers but this is a whole new low Tiff what are you thinking? I hate so sound rude but he's an alcoholic and one or two weeks isn't going to change that." I sigh at her words because I know she's right. "I know, just he came to my house and begged me to go on a date with him." she chuckles "oh how the mighty have fallen" she laughs. I playfully shove her. "but the way I see it I know I just said he most likely hasn't changed but who knows he very well could" Serena and I spent the rest of the day together just walking and laughing. I ended up staying the night at her house. She was gone by the time I woke up so I just drove home and now am just laying on my bed looking up at the ceiling. i have a few hours until my date so i should probably not just lay here and do nothing. I pull out my phone and text Alicia "hey, bored. you busy?" it takes her only a few seconds to respond "yes, sorry doing something with Jake. I'm free tomorrow" I sigh at the text "No worries, I work tomorrow but I'll see you soon!" I toss my phone on the bed and sit up. I really need more friends. I push myself off the bed just as my phone dings. "hey! Jake said we have a couple hours. I'm down to hang if you can handle Jake being there too" I really don't think Jake likes me because of what I did to him. "Idk Ali, Jake forgave me I think but I feel he doesn't like me" She takes a moment but finally "I'm not going to lie you're not his favorite but he is very easy to get back on his good side, besides he knows that the plan was on me. Trust me it'll be okay" I sigh. "Okay I'm in. Where are we going?" she responds in I want to say just under a minute. She is an extremely fast texter. "come over! Emerald is at her friends for a couple days and we are going to the pool" I smile to myself. She sends me the address. I grab my bathing suit and dash to the bathroom. My bathing suit is a cute two piece, American flag top with white bottoms. I look in the mirror and let out a weary sigh. This will be the first time all year that I am wearing this. Truth is I am very insecure about my body. I know I get called beautiful and or pretty all the time but like I said earlier I don't believe it. I throw on a shirt and pull my hair out of a pony tail. I get to their house in about 15 to 20 minutes and park next to Alicia's impala. The happen to be walking by when I get out of the car. "Tiffany!" Alicia screams before running over and pulling me into a warm hug. After we break the hug Alicia looks at Jake. "Say Hi don't be a jerk" Jake raised his brow but suddenly a wide smile appears on his face "it's nice to see you Tiffany" I look at him confused "wait, you're not mad at me?" He gives me a warm smile "I know when someone is really sorry or not. Lets just drop it and go have fun!" I feel a warm smile crease my lips. We all walk to the pool together and see that its completely empty and there is a sigh on the gate. "Pool Closed for cleaning" we all sigh and begin walking back to the cars. "well that sucks" Jake laughs as his phone dings. After a few moments "we need to go babe. I'm sorry Tiffany but we need to go take care of this" I just fake a smile and give them both brief hugs before getting in my car. I pull out my phone and scroll. Lets see, Conner older brother passed away, Serena is at work, Alicia is busy, Derek I will see him tonight, Joe is out of town for the rest of the month. Theo is... I actually don't know what he is doing. I dial his number and after three rings "Tiffany?" "I know its weird for me to call you but I'm bored. What are you doing right now?" "Tending to the bar, you are more then welcome to stop by its pretty slow today" "Sounds like a plan see you soon" With that i hang up and begin driving towards the bar. After a little while I pull into the parking lot that has two cars in it and ones Theo's. He drives a white ford f-250. Once parked I get out and lock my car. I walk inside the bar to one drunk man dancing on the dance floor. I walk over to the bar where Theo greets me. "There she is!" I sit down and smile. "Wow when you said it was dead you were not lying" he laughs and leans against the bar "Yeah its been me and that guy and honestly his terrible dance moves are keeping me entertained for the day" I laugh at him. "You excited for your date with Derek?" I look at him wide eyed "Derek told me, its all that he talks about" I give him a weak smile "of course he was." he looks at me concerned. "Alright Tiff what's going on?" I look at her and sigh. "I am really that readable huh" he chuckles. "yes, yes you are?" I let out another weary sigh. "Its just... I like Derek he's a sweet guy when he's not drinking of course. but i think I have a crush on someone else" he raises a brow. "But?" I sigh "this person and I will probably never be together so in a way I sort of drove myself towards Derek. Its messed up I should juts cancel" he puts a comforting hand on my hand. "Tiff you're overthinking, go on this date and see how you feel and if Serena keeps popping in your head then you need to tell her" I look at him wide eyed "How" he smiles "come on It's obvious, the way you light up when you are around her, the way you always have a positive attitude when you're near her. I'm surprised she hasn't figured it out yet" I look away from him ashamed. "Tiff, its nothing to be embarrassed about. You're bisexual and there's nothing wrong with that. Like I said go on this date and really try to experience Derek and if things go bad then you know" After a moment I turn and face him "Thank you Theo. You're actually a cool guy" he smiles and lets out a little chuckle. "you know it" I look at the time "I have to go but thank you" he nods "anytime and remember you have my number" I give him a knowing nod and walk out of the bar. Once I get in my car I smile to myself. The drive home is peaceful. Once I get home I spend the rest of the day getting ready for my date. I picked out my favorite pink dress and I decided to wear my beautiful pear neckless that normally only comes out on special occasions. I have red lipstick on my lips and blue eyeliner. I have my hair completely curled from top to bottom. My hair took me a couple hours by itself. I am not sitting on my couch waiting. There are some nerves in me that i can't seem to shake but I all of that fades when there is a gentle knock on the door. After a moment of composing myself i open the door to Derek is a really nice blue suit and is holding a massive bouquet of flowers, He smiles when he sees me and hands me the flowers. I smile and take them. "come inside while I put these up" He nods and follows me inside. I figured we could go to a fancy restaurant. I got reservations to that new restaurant Lux." He says in a sweet tone. I put the flowers in a vase then face him "Id love that shall we?" his face lights up. "After you beautiful." For the first time in a really long time I pass by him ant there is no smell of alcohol. He walks me to his car and holds the door open for me. "Ah, such a gentleman" he chuckles and lets me in the car. The drive to the restaurant was quick. We walk inside shoulder to shoulder. "Ah, welcome to Lux, right this away please" We follow the server around this beautifully designed restaurant. We stop at a two person booth. "Hope you enjoy your meal here, may I start you with drinks?" The server says with a sweet smile. "yes, Ill have your Cranberry lemonade" Derek says in a sweet calm tone. "yes and I'll have the strawberry lemonade. The server smiles and leaves. "this place is beautiful" I say with a sweet smile. "It is but not a beautiful as you Tiff" I roll my eyes jokingly "Oh brother" I laugh. The server comes back with our drinks and we order our food. I ordered the Lasagna platter and he ordered the steak sandwich. Once the server leaves we sit there silent for a moment. "I know I shouldn't say this but I didn't smell alcohol on you today. I'm impressed" He gives me a weary smile. "Thank you. I haven't touched a bottle since that night, I want to start us off fresh and that includes keeping my promises" "well I'm happy for you D, but I don't want you to stop drinking just because of me, you need to do it for you too" "I know Tiff, but you are a great start, I really like you Tiff and have for a really long time and for the longest time this stupid addiction is what messed everything up. I know I need to better my life and get back on track but you Tiff are what starts that" For a moment I don't respond and take a nervous sip of my drink. I am really happy that he is finally taking that indicative. "I am really flattered D." Our food arrives. "Tiff, when we first met you were this girl that was so lost in a brand new city and now look at you. You are this smart, courageous, and beautiful women" I give him a warm smile and take a bite of my food and savor the flavors that are blasting in my mouth. "Wow, Derek this place is amazing" I respond with a smile as I dig into more of my food. I don't get why but what he just said makes me think of Serena, she started in a brand new town too and honestly she handled it better then me I mean think about it. She's far more successful then I am, she has this kick ass Vet job and I work as a waitress, she is such a kind person and I am kind of a bitch sometimes, thinking about all of this is making my heart sink to my stomach as Theo was right. "Tiff, are you okay?" Derek says in a concerned tone. "I-I need to go... Can you take me home please?" He looks at me concerned as I feel terrible for what I am doing but I know what my heart wants and that's Serena. He looks at me concerned but asks the server for the check. Derek pays and we leave the restaurant. He stops me in front of his car and I face him. "Did I do something wrong Tiff?" he asks in a saddened tone. I feel so bad but I can't shake this feeling inside. "N-No D, It's not you its really me" he looks at me saddened "Tiff, I don't understand." The hurt on his face consumes me. I feel the urge to tell him. "Derek, You deserve the truth so here it is. I'm bisexual and I have a massive crush on Serena and have for a really long time but I didn't believe it so I went on this date with you thinking it was all just in my head but D I really do like her" he looks at me and for a moment doesn't respond but based on his posture he seems to be mad. "So, you used me to get some clarity..." I look at him wide eyed and before I could respond "that's typical Tiffany, using someone to get what she needs or wants. Let's just go" he goes to his door but i grab his arm and force him to look at me "Okay Derek, I may be a bitch sometimes and I may have had a problem of using people in the past but that's not what's happening here, I really was confused about my feelings. Believe it or not I really wanted to go on this date with you, I really wanted to make this work but I realized that it's unfair to you if I am falling for someone else. I didn't want it to come down to this, I wanted this night to go well but dammit D, We can't control who we fall for. I'm sorry D" he takes a moment of silence and his posture changes. He let's out a weary sigh. "I'm sorry Tiff, let me take you home" I nod and he helps me into his car. The whole car ride home is silent as I feel my heart pounding in my stomach. He pulls into my driveway and as soon as he stops the car I open my door but before I get out of the car I face him. "Derek, I had a great time tonight and I really hope this won't come between our friendship" He gives me a warm smile "it won't I promise" We share one last look before I get out of the car. I watch as he backs out of the drive and speeds off into the night. "fuck" I yell out loud before stomping back inside my house. I dash to the bathroom and look in the mirror to my makeup running and a tear falling down my cheek. "No, Stop" I cry as I quickly wipe the tear away. I come to the conclusion that I need to tell her so without thinking of the time or the possibility of being rejected I grab my car keys and dash out of the house. I don't let my car warm up or nothing I just get in and go. I looked like a crazy person driving to her house. As soon as I pull into her driveway I shut off my lights and park directly behind her car. I feel so selfish and there is a part of me that wants to turn around but I'm already here. I get out of my car and walk up to her door and knock on it multiple times. After a very long while she opens the door and based on how she looks I just woke her up. Her hair is a mess and she is in her Pj's, She looks shocked when she sees me. "Tiffany? Its almost 11:30, What's up?" I am at a loss for words for a second. I-I need to talk to you..." She looks at me confused but holds the door open for me. Slowly I walk inside and she closes the door behind us. She turns on the living room light and stands in front of me. "What's going on Tiff, Did you date go bad?" Her eyes pull me in and her presence is making it really hard to talk. "I-I" I turn away from her for a second. "Tif, whatever it is you can tell me" I regain my composure and put on my brave face. I turn and face her. "I like you Serena, I have for a long time and I tried to shake these feelings away but I just couldn't and when I went on the date tonight all I could think about is wanting to be with you. I've always been bisexual but I never thought about dating girls until you. I know this is a bombshell and I know you probably are straight and I am looking like a fool here but i needed to let this out." I let all of that out not noticing the tear falling down my cheek. She looks at me her posture still and her eyes are lost as if she is taking all of this in. Suddenly she wipes my tear off my face but keeps her hand on my cheek. We gaze into one another's eyes and for a moment just stay there. "I... I am straight but maybe I could change that" she says in a sweet tone. I feel something is forcing us together as we close our eyes and pull one another into a soft sweet, tender kiss...