I've never seen the beauty in love. In fact, I think it's the ugliest, scariest thing that humans probably engage in. Perhaps romance movies and books make it look beautiful. Make it charming and breathtaking to look at, an experience that probably dazzles from the inside out. And maybe that kind of love exists for some people, but all the love I've ever known has never been pretty to look at.
While I refrain from saying the three word phrase that changes things because I'm never sure if they're true, it doesn't mean I don't have my own definitions of love, or my own way of showing it. I still believe it to be the bare minimum, but not less important. I do love, but I recognise the way in which I love and the love that makes sense to me would never be a pretty thing. To me, love is an ugly thing. Loving me is an ugly thing. My loving a person is an ugly thing.
The way I love is a consuming thing, not just for the object of my affection, but for me as well. Love isn't a blind thing to me either because I breathe in anyone's flaws as if they were my own. When I love, it leaves me in shambles because I would call the darker parts of others to myself. I welcome them even though that may hurt me.
I look at the people around me and their love is always such a thing to look at. Notnthe showy kind of thing labelled love, no, I mean the love that shows up when you think no one can see. I look at it and wonder what went wrong with the love nside me. Where's the gentleness that's present in love? Where's mine? Where'd my love get this jagged ugly cut from?
I want to have the kind of love that doesn't scare people off. The kind that isn't so intense that it's overwhelming. The kind I could tame, with warm comforting flames I could stoke, not searing hot unapproachable flames. The exact kind of love that couldn't exist in me if I wanted it to.
Jedi♡
21/7/2023
10:14am
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See you next entry
Jedi💓
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The Sporadic Journal of a Quiet Teen
Non-FictionThis is exactly as the title says. I wanted to use my experiences as a way of helping myself and other people. In the times where I felt alone, it was always nice to read or hear or someone sharing their similar experiences and how they moved throu...
