Don't run away from me

ch. 22

//joshua;

Their footsteps echoed in tandem through the empty streets, dimly lit by the lanterns. Joshua could still feel his heart racing in his chest, even though minutes had passed since the kiss and neither of them had mentioned it. It had been an impulsive reaction that he had wanted to do for a long time, and Seokmin's words had triggered something in Joshua that made him kiss him. His mind was filled with various questions, he was scared but at the same time curious about what Seokmin could be thinking, considering they had spoken very little throughout the entire journey. When they reached the building where Joshua lived, he turned to Seokmin, still unsure how to approach the whole situation.

"Would it bother you if I stayed overnight at your place?" Seokmin asked, the question that had been on Joshua's mind as well.

After nodding, he headed towards the elevator, when realization hit Joshua like a lightning train: is it possible that Seokmin is like everyone else? No. That was absolutely impossible. Seokmin saw him as more than just a physical pleasure, and he knew that best. He had taken a beating to prove it. However, it would be nice of Joshua to reward him in this way though. That always worked the best for everyone.

"Hey, we arrived 2 minutes ago, aren't you getting off?" Seokmin's voice made Joshua startle, bringing him back down to earth.

As Joshua opened the door, he noticed the lights were off and Jihoon's slippers were at the entrance, a sign that he wasn't home.

"Can I take a shower first?" Seokmin smiled softly as he hung his jacket on the coat rack and helped Joshua by taking his jacket off his shoulders and putting it back in place. "I just need a pair of pants to borrow, I have a shirt underneath and I can stay in that."

Joshua nodded again and headed to the bedroom, returning in a few moments with a clean towel and a pair of gray training pants, which were a bit loose on him, guessing that they might fit Seokmin.

"you okay?" When Seokmin reaches out to take things from Joshua, he stops in his tracks, leaning down to make eye contact with him.

"Yes, I'm just tired. Go ahead and wash up." Joshua gives him a brief smile, turning back to the bedroom.

When he hears the bathroom door close, panic sets in for Joshua as he paces around the room from one corner to another. It wasn't like it was happening for the first time, but for the first time, he felt something more and special for the person he was about to do it with. He didn't know if this was what Seokmin wanted, but he didn't know any other way to show gratitude and appreciation. Joshua starts undressing, leaving his clothes on the edge of the office chair, only remaining in his boxers. As he walks towards the bed, he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, freezing in front of it for a few moments, staring at his silhouette. The more he looks, the more it seems like his body starts to deform, looking hideous and stupid at the same time. His thighs are too big, his ankles are crooked, his ribs protrude too much, but at the same time, his stomach fills the entire mirror. His face looks contorted, with dark circles under his eyes, a nose that's too big, and lips that have a strange shape. He feels his pulse start to throb in his temples, hearing his own heartbeat. A cold sweat formed on his forehead and spine, all because of that stupid Johnny who reminded him of all the moments from a few years ago.

"What are you doing?" Seokmin appears at the door, with a towel around his neck, wiping his hair with it.

For the first time, Joshua was incredibly grateful that the room was dark, with the only source of light being the faint glow of a street lamp.

"Uh... I-i was waiting for you." Joshua's voice trembles, scared of what's about to happen but convinced that this is the only way to win Seokmin over. "I'm ready."

"Ready for what?" Seokmin seems genuinely confused, pausing from shaking his hair, about to turn on the lights in the room to see Joshua better.

"NO! Please, not... Can we do it with the lights off, please? I promise I won't touch you too much and I won't protest about anything as long as we do it with the lights off." Joshua's tone of voice seemed to beg Seokmin not to turn on the lights.

"Shua hyung..." Seokmin's voice becomes softer, Joshua hearing his footsteps getting closer to him. "What are you talking about? What should we do?"

"Don't you want to have sex?" Joshua trembles in every joint, but tries not to show it to Seokmin.

"WHAT? NO!"

"No?" Joshua feels a knot in his stomach, swallowing hard.

"I mean... Well, yes, of course. But not now. Not today." Seokmin's hands cross Joshua's arms, moving up to his shoulders. "Of course, I want that to happen too, but not in a moment like this. I want it to be something more special, where we're both completely sober and sure of our actions." As Seokmin spoke, he took off the shirt he was wearing and put it on Joshua, with care. "Now, if you allow me, I'd like to hold you in my arms all night and sleep like little pigs until tomorrow afternoon."

Seokmin's laughter brings light to Joshua's scared soul, bringing a pleasant, warm, and sweet feeling to his heart. "Not like the others..." Joshua thinks again, a wide smile appearing on his face. Seokmin embraces his waist, resting his head on Joshua's shoulder. Joshua wraps his arms around Seokmin's broad shoulders, staying embraced for a few moments. Joshua feels all his thoughts fade away as the warmth emanating from Seokmin's body warms him as well, his heart beating at a calmer rhythm as Seokmin's scent begins to cling to Joshua. Involuntarily, Joshua yawns.

"Alright, bedtime." Seokmin breaks the embrace with a smile, and the two of them head to their respective sides of the bed.

Under the same blanket, Joshua looks uncertainly at Seokmin, unsure if he should approach him or not. Even in that pale light, he could see that Seokmin looked like a Greek god without a shirt. Joshua wondered if he worked out at the gym or not.

"What's up? Do you want a goodnight kiss?" Seokmin jokes, giggling, but to Joshua, the whole idea doesn't sound too bad.

"Can I?" Joshua slowly moves closer to Seokmin's side.

Their gazes meet, Joshua seeing Seokmin's Adam's apple swallow nervously. He feels himself getting closer, Seokmin's soft lips meeting his in a slow kiss. Joshua slightly parts his lips to allow Seokmin's bottom lip to be gently massaged by his own. The taste of Seokmin floods Joshua's senses, craving more than just a simple kiss, but Seokmin pulls back and embraces him tightly. He presses the boy against his bare chest, Joshua feeling so flustered that he's convinced his cheeks are already on fire. He struggles as Seokmin laughs playfully, but with no escape, he accepts his fate and relaxes in his arms. Joshua looks up and sees the bruise on Seokmin's cheek. He sighs and gently runs his palm over the other one, where he had a scratch under his eye, then leans in and leaves a kiss in the purple area.

"I'm sorry, Seokminie. That you have to go through so much because of me. I'm so sorry." Joshua gives him another kiss on the cheek, then rests his head on Seokmin's shoulder, burying his face in the hollow of his neck where his nose is filled with the scent of the boy.

"It's not your fault, Shua hyung. You haven't done anything wrong, I promise." Seokmin starts to stroke Joshua's back, creating such a calm and pleasant atmosphere that Joshua falls asleep within just a few minutes.