FORCED TO MARRY AND I CHOSE YOU

01

"Ehh bra ugrand?" Asks Mthunzi,I'm with my producer,Mthunzi and a few of my friend. We are in my house studio working on a song,well we aren't serious we just chilling. Fixing up a few things before I leave,Im leaving in about 3 hours from now going to the rehab. My phone has to stay behind,I don't know for how will I be there and that sucks. I nod my head Yes at his question. He pulls my hoodie down to properly see my face and he finds that I'm drenched with sweat. Funny because its only my face that's sweating excessively,other parts of my body are just fine,under normal heat.

Yah the after effects of not sniffing in days,mxm. Don't do drugs kids,its not good your mental health and health nje in general. STAY IN SCHOOL,DON'T DO DRUGS!

"Ndijonge" he demands and I do,I lift up my eyes to look at him and he's concerned. "Does it hurt?" He whispers and I shake my head No. Mthunzi pulls me up to my feet and takes me to the studio's ensuit bathroom. He makes me wash my face with cold water,I chuckle when he becomes a mother hen and lifts up my hoodie to check my body temp. When we emerge from the bathroom, we find my elder brother,Akani still exchanging greetings with everyone. Mthunzi goes for a bro hug and chat a bit over a light conversation with Akani. When he's eyes land on me,his smile fades. He wears his usual intimidating and serious face.

"Mmabatho u lava ku ku vona,u ma mhani akhixini(wants to see you,she's in the kitchen with mom)" thats all he says before turning his focus back to the gents. Mmabatho is my sister in law,his wife. Yhoo now I know that I fucked up. He doesn't even shout at me,he didn't beat me up, he's just over my behaviour. Yah and it seems like he is going to give us the silent treatment. I make my way out of the studio to go look for her. "I don't understand" is the first thing that comes out of her mouth,usually when she sees me she gets excited and immediately hugs me but not today. Thing is her and her husband treat me like I'm their first born,I swear I'm like a doll to them that they can play house with.

Its annoying but I love it,I love knowing that after a gig at night I can choose to sleep over at their house and I won't have to explain myself. I can walk into their home at anytime and I will be welcomed. I love knowing that I have people to turn to as my own parents live in Tzaneen,Limpopo and only come this side to see us once in a while. "What don't you understand?" I question her, "why are you doing this" she answers but its a question as well. "You won't understand" I say shrugging my shoulders. "Ande khale ndzi ku sola wena(and I have been suspecting you for a long time now) I even asked you if you are doing drug but you denied it in my face" she says sounding hurt.

Ehhh I don't have time to be nursing people's wive's feelings,I'm going mina. I turn my back at her without saying anything and I walk off heading to my bedroom. Coming out of my ensuit,I find Akani in my bedroom. "Sit down" he commands and I just look at him,bro this is my room,in fact this is my house! "Hlanganani tshama hansi(sit down)!" Again its a command,I give him a disapproving look before sitting down on my bed. "What's your problem?" He calmly asks,I keep quiet instead of answering him. "What's going on? I know that you are not stupid to take drugs just for the fun of it,so talk to me tell me what's going on" he looks into my eyes with a straight face.

"Its a lot,I guess that I can't handle the pressure and the demands of this lifestyle" I say speaking about the music. He shakes his head as he sees right through me,he knows that I'm lying. "Don't give me that bullshit story,you chose this life knowing that you have to give it your all. You started making beats at a very young age. I know for a fact that you love and enjoy making music so I will ask again WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

His cool and collected self is now gone and had been replaced by an outraged Akani. "Tiyiselani..." He doesn't let me finish. "Don't say her name. It happened years ago now move on" but I can't. I can't stop blaming myself and my dad's cold behaviour towards me isn't helping. The reason why our relationship has changed for the worst is because of it.

"But everyone blames me,I'm responsible for..." Still he cuts me off. "I thought that you had accepted what happened and have moved on" he says in a softer tone. "I didn't forget and I will never forget" I say putting an end to this conversation. "Do you think of her?" He asks after a moment of silence.

"Every single fucken day of my life" I say feeling all emotional. "No one blames you,dad is...he is hurt but trust me he doesn't hate you. He just wants to put the blame on someone and I guess that you are that person" he's trying to console me but its not working. I don't comment on his words so he says "there will be a therapist there at rehab,open up to her and tell her how you feel. Maybe that will help" he suggests and I nod my head at him although I don't see myself doing that.

"You know what? I think that you are one of the luckiest people on Earth" he says thoughtfully and I give him a look which states that he must elaborate. "Look at the people around you,the love and positive energy that's surrounding you. You have a best friend and a manager like Mthunzi. Mfo that boy cares about you,not a lot of people would have done what he did,especially not in this industry. You have mom,man that woman is your biggest cheerleader. She didn't like that you chose dj-ing as a career,she still doesn't but she supports you. When you can't go home to see her because you have gigs,she understands and she prays for your safety." He says with a smile and I smile too because that's the truth.

"And I have you and Mmabatho my biggest fans,people who promote my music without even trying. My second parents who won't come to any of my shows but y'all stay up all night watching them on YouTube" my smile grows bigger so does his. So in short he is telling me to focus on the positive side and always thrive to make the few people that love me proud of me. I swear that my brother has all of my songs,he knows every song by BY HL.

He becomes all serious again and says "don't go to the rehab with a stupid mentality of thinking that you are doing this for us. As you leave this house, know where you are going and what are you going to do there. You are not doing us a favour by quitting drugs. The drugs that you eat destroy your own life not ours,if you haven't noticed everyone has their own lives so if yours ends we will carry on like nothing happened" ouch that hurts. "As you can see,I didn't even shout at you because u kurile(you are grown)Hlanganani,no one has the energy to run after a grown ass 26 years old man. Who has a beard and knows how to fuck" I can see that if I mess up again,Akani won't be there to save me.

The last time he found out that I was on drugs,he beat them out of me,now he's just talking showing me that I'm grown for him to be whipping my ass up. Next time he will turn a blind eye to it and watch me suffer. "You are my little brother and you know that I love you but I hate stupidity,I hate weak men. I hate drugs and I hate this skinny, sweating and shaking boy that's looking at me right now." I didn't even notice that my legs are bouncing around in an irregular pattern and when I place a hand on my forehead I find that indeed I'm sweating.

"I nwana wa mani loyi anga ta ku teka loko u ri soh(who's daughter is going to marry you when you are like this)?" He is not joking which has the gears in my head shifting in wonder. Who vele,I hate to admit it but I look terrible.

"I'm going to give you space to think. When you come downstairs,give us a straight answer. Its either you want to stop taking drugs or not. Believe me if you say that you won't stop I will support you,no one will do anything to you not even me,infact I will supply you with the best drugs you can find in South Africa. Don't think that you are making us happy or doing us a favour by going to rehab. You need help not us and I want to drill that into your head. The ball is your court mfo,we can't be stressing over you as if you can't think for yourself or you are some fragile child" with that said he stands up.

In need of someone's honest opinion? Call Akani.