FORCED TO MARRY AND I CHOSE YOU

45

I'm lying on top of the bed on my back, facing the ceiling. I have cried and cried so right now I'm out of tears. Turns out that it was not a prank...Hlanganani is no more. His fans have been blowing up my phone since the police released an official statement. It hasnt been 12 hours since his departure and already I'm overwhelmed by words like "our deepest condolences" "RIP By HL" "another giant has fallen in the music industry" "Nomzamo our hearts pour out for you and your family" "we are so sorry for your loss."

So because of that,I have switched off my phone. The Baloyi clan is gathered downstairs...Mmabatho wanted to stay with me but I told her that I need space. I need to process this first. It still feels like its a big fat prank that everyone... the whole world is playing on me. Its not funny guys...it actually hurts,by far this is the worst pain that I have experienced. I have been trying to call his phone but nothing...it doesn't even ring or at least give me his voicemail box. Just to hear his voice,one last time please!! I think that the reason why his phone doesn't ring is because it got destroyed in the explosion.

Uhm another thing is that unlike two of the guards that were in the car with him,his body didn't burn to ashes. It seems that he tried to escape,he got out of the car however the explosion burnt half of his body. So as they went to see his body,half of it was burnt especially his face. I cried so much when Akani told me that,I can imagine the pain that he felt before he took his last breathe.

My bedroom door opens I have the mind to tell whoever is there to go away but when my dad's face comes into view. I spring out of bed and run into his open arms. "MaZondi..." Thats all he needed to say to reactivate my tears. I break down yet again in my dad's chest. "Baba kub'hlungu,kub'hlungu baba" I tell him while wailing. "Ncese mntanami,ncese MaZondi" he holds half of my weight as we walk to the couch. When I feel a second pair of hands around me,that's when I notice my mother's presence. She's in tears and I throw myself at her.

I hear sniffling from the side and when I look,I find my little brother uLindo silently crying. I open my arms for him to come crushing in. At this point its unclear ukuthi who's comforting who here. We are all crying in each other's arms. After a while my dad and Lindo go downstairs to join the Baloyi clan and I'm left with my mother. "Mah bambulele,bambulele mah..." I keep on repeating to my mother in between my tears. My throat is so dry and voice hoarse from all the screaming and wailing that I have been doing. "Ngiyaxolisa mntanami,ngiyaxolisa sisi" she keeps on soothing me.

At this point words are meaningless, useless,pointless...nje LESS! All I want is for him to walk through the door smiling with open arms waiting for me to jump on him. We are called downstairs much to my dismay. Everyone is sitting on the couches,their minds far away and grief in sight. The men have whisky glasses in their hands, the kids are no where in sight with a nanny looking after them. Space is made for my mother and I and we all sit in silence. "Ahem" that's tatana Baloyi clearing his throat to get everyone's attention.

"Death has once again visited my house. In a space of four months" he says,his tone and face gloomy. "Nhlawuleko my girl,you are one of us and will always be a Baloyi so should you need anything we are all here." I quietly nod my head in appreciation. "And siyabonga boZondi for coming here as quickly as you could. We appreciate your support" my parents match my actions and nod quietly as well. "Is it too early to start the funeral arrangements now?" Mmabatho asks quietly and at her question,all eyes land on me. As if they are waiting for my approval.

"I have never had to arrange for a funeral before,so-so I don't know what needs to be done" I sheepishly admit that I'm clueless. I look around hoping to see judgmental eyes,even one pair but nothing. Instead its pity that I see in their eyes. "We are all here for a reason,you are not alone in this." Thats Tiyani who looks just as miserable as the rest of us. "However your word is final and everything goes through you first for your approval" thats bhuti Akani making me leader of all arrangements. I give them a tight lip smile,I'm not happy with this.