Painful - A Jacksepticeye x Depressed Reader FanFiction

Chapter 14 - (y/n)'s feelings

Sean pov.

For a second the world around me stopped. It took me by surprise. We were just standing there. Our lips touched for but a moment. (y/n) took a step back. She was pale as a ghost - I could see how nervous she was. We walked to the couch in silence. (y/n) took a big sip of water. She nearly emptied the entire glass in one sip.

"You okay?", I asked. She nodded. "I just need a minute to sort my head", she said. Her voice was still a bit shaky. I too was still a bit shaken. To be honest, I did not expect it. Never in my life would I have guessed that she would come up to me and kiss me. It's not like I would complain - it just surprised me. I just wished our first kiss would have been more romantic than me standing there, asking if she made a choice yet. I decided to let it go. I could not change it. The only thing I could do is to make the next time perfect.

"You were right. I can't let fear dominate my entire life." I nodded. "I...I feel like you don't even know how grateful I really am for having you in my life. Sean, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I've said that before but... I feel like, I did not thank you enough for everything you did for me. You changed my life from the moment you sent me that message. You've been there for me every day ever since. You did not care what other people said about me. You did not call me a freak or a loser or anything. You took the time to get to know me. And when I had that accident – you saved my life. And then you waited for hours in the hospital to make sure, I was going to be okay. You found my secret out and never treated me any different than before you knew. You did all of that for me and never asked for anything in return. You were patient with me. Every time I got too nervous or too afraid to say or do something, you encouraged me to step over my shadow and try.

No one ever did something like that before. Yes, my parents are great, and they've always be there for me but... when it comes down to friends or potential relationships... no one ever cared enough to really get to know me good enough to see past the broken shell." She was getting quite emotional. As much as I would have wanted to hug her, I did not want to interrupt her monologue. It was so emotional, so real. I felt like this was the first time she ever really let the thoughts run freely.

I sat down next to her and put my arm around her. A tear ran down her face. "Sorry...I did not mean to get so emotional." "Don't worry about it. Sometimes your thoughts just need to get out. I'm glad that you think so positively about me and that you're grateful, but... you don't have to think that you're in any debt to me or anything like that. I'm happy to help where I can." I took a short pause. "I understand that it's hard to trust someone when you've been rejected by people all your life." She nodded. I saw in her face that she was very relieved. "I'm glad your patient with me", she said. "Of course." I hugged her and she rested her head against my chest.

Silence. A few minutes later I stood up and refilled her glass of water. Then I grabbed the remote and turned the TV back on. We kept watching for a few hours. The sun was slowly sinking. (y/n) looked at her phone. "It's getting late", she said. I could hear a bit of sadness in her voice. She got up from the couch. "I'll drive you home." "You already picked me up from school...I..." He shrugged his shoulders. He grabbed his keys, and we went to his car.

The silence continued in the car. I figured it would be for the best to keep it that way for the moment. I had already forced her to talk enough for one day. We could continue this conversation another time. I wanted her to get rest and focus on school tomorrow. When we arrived, she thanked me and got out of the car. "No big deal. Goodnight." "Goodnight."

I was a little sad that she got out so quickly. I would have liked to say goodbye longer, maybe even kiss her again. But then I thought that it probably would have been too much for her. A surprise kiss was enough. At home I decided to record a few videos. I was a little behind schedule, so I would probably stay up late. I wouldn't pick up (y/n) tomorrow unless she asked me to. I didn't want to force myself on her either. I also wrote to Robin and we spoke briefly on the phone. He asked me why I dressed up so much today and I told him about my evening with (y/n). He also gave me the advice to take it slow for a few days. "It'll probably take her a while to get used to the fact that you can now talk to each other so openly about your feelings." "Yeah, I know. I'm still a bit surprised it went as it did to be honest. I did not expect it."

The entire rest of the week went by without anything happening. (y/n) was at school, she had a lot to do so I decided to give her some time for herself. I did not want to be the reason for her grades declining. I knew the last year of school was a tough one. Besides, she still had a lot of catching up to do. And I had enough to do preparing for the next event. I would be at a convention again this weekend. On Monday I would do something with (y/n) again.

(y/n) pov.

I was a little sad that I couldn't see Sean this week. But school took so much of my time that I just couldn't spare it this week. And Sean understood that. I also knew he was out this weekend. There was a convention coming up. He even asked me if I wanted to come with him, but I declined. I still didn't feel fit enough. I was also able to use the time to finally produce content myself again. I sent out the streaming plan. My viewers were thrilled when they saw that I was finally going live again. I was happy that they still stood by me even after such a long break.

After the text I posted back in the hospital, many were understanding - but one wasn't. But unfortunately, that was the life of an influencer. Many people think they have a right to know exactly what is happening in your life and when. I was already mentally prepared to be asked questions. I told my mods:

"Hey guys,

Please do me a favour and time out the people who ask questions about the accident too aggressively or too often. Please say several times in the chat that I would like to be left alone with the topic and talk about it when I'm ready."

Everyone was understanding. She would time out people for now and if it happened too often then they had permission to ban. My mods also understood that I would not talk with them about the accident. They were also happy that I was back and that I was doing well. I was really looking forward to my first stream after nearly a month of an (involuntarily) break.