Kiri x Reader

TWENTY

-THREE WEEKS LATER-

I woke up to my alarm blaring. I managed to shut it off without falling out of bed, so that was great. I sat up and yawned. I'd finally managed to clean my room, so it was looking really nice. My eyes landed on the one thing I hadn't bothered to pick up. Kirishima's towel. He'd forgotten it when he came into my room three weeks ago. I laid back as tears began running down my cheeks. I covered my face with my pillow and sobbed.

Last night, I'd told him everything about me. All of my past. When I told him I'd murdered people, he wasn't understanding like he usually was. Instead, he'd looked at me horrified before running away. I'd screamed that I didn't mean to, but he didn't listen. I'd cried almost six times since then. I squeezed my eyes shut and remembered all the times we had together, ignoring how each one breaks me a little more. The way he would play with my hair. His smell of fresh citrus and the ocean. The way he would kiss me, as if I was something sacred to him. That night in my room. The hugs and reassurances he gave me. I felt so safe with him, like nothing could ever hurt me as long as his arms were around me. I cried harder. I missed him so much. It hurt. I felt like there was this space in me that he filled, but now that he was gone, it was emptier than it had been before he came into my life.

What if he didn't want to be friends anymore? I didn't want to consider the possibility. I didn't want to see him again either. It would be so weird. I didn't want to see any of them right now. I just wanted to sit in my room and mope. But then my phone vibrated, and I looked at it to see who it was. It was him. I literally scrambled for my phone like it was my lifeline and looked at the text he sent me.

Kirishima: I was wondering if I could talk to you privately. It's fine if you don't want to, but I have something to tell you.

I didn't miss how formal he was in texting me. He was probably going to break up with me. A tear slid down my face and I brushed it away.

Me: sure. where do you want to meet

Kirishima: Outside you room.

Me: when

Kirishima: Right now.

Just then, I heard three knocks on the door. Anticipation clawed at my stomach as I went to answer it. I was going to dread this conversation. I just knew it. My gut had never been wrong before.

Kirishima was standing there, hands in his pockets, staring at the ground. The moment I opened the door, his head snapped up and his eyes focused on mine. And it wasn't exactly a nice kind of focus either. For a moment, we both stood in silence. Finally, he broke it.

"So... you meant what you said last night? About murdering people and stuff?" I nodded, not meeting his stormy gaze. He looked away and nodded. Then I spoke.

"Look, if you're here to break up with me, just do it already! I don't want to be waiting here for you to say the words I already know you're going to say."

He looked shocked. "You thought I was going to break up with you?"

I nodded. "Weren't you? I mean, most guys don't really want to date a murderer!"

He inhaled sharply. Took a step back. Took a moment to stare at everything possibly except me. I wanted to cry. I just wanted him to say the words so it would be over with so I could slam the door and cry my heart out. I loved this boy. I really, really did. But I knew it was over. There was no way he'd want me after this. I was so messed up and twisted, he would leave and find another girl who was lower maintenance and I would spend the rest of my days pretending like I didn't care. 

"I... I wasn't coming here to break up with you." My eyes widened.

"You... you don't care that I've killed tons of people?"

"What kind of question is that, Y/N?" He said angrily. "Of course I care! I just wanted to apologize for my immature behavior yesterday." My heart shriveled up and died.

"I ran from you because of my shock and I'm sorry for doing that. I should have been more understanding." I took a small step toward him, and he stepped back. Now I understood. 

"You need time?" I asked, and he nodded. Then he walked away. No 'love you,' or any of the nicknames he used to call me. Not even a 'good bye'. I closed the door and cried the whole time I put my clothes on.

' Stop crying,' I told myself. 'You'll mess up your make up.' 

I checked my appearance one final time before I left for class, just to make sure I looked alright. I might feel like the world was dropped on my shoulders and then my heart was ripped out of my chest, but if I looked like everything was alright, then everyone would think everything was alright. I'd done it many times before. Why was it so much harder this time?

I sat through class, not even paying attention, because my thoughts were focused solely on the beautiful, red haired boy who now sat all the way across the room from me. Not going to lie, it hurt a little bit, but I just played it off. At lunch, I sat with the girls, but I honestly didn't have an appetite, so I was just picking at my food.

"Y/N, what's wrong?"

"Yeah, you don't seem like yourself today."

"I'm just tired," I lied, but I could see Ochaco saw right through it, even though she didn't bring it up any more. When we were walking back to class, she pulled me into an empty classroom.

"What's up? You know you can tell me anything, Y/N."

Trying as hard as I could not to cry, I told her what happened with Kirishima. She just pulled me into a hug and said, "I'm so sorry." It was kind of nice, to be able to tell her everything and not have to bear it alone.

"It's fine," I said, and she gripped my shoulders with a force that belied her size.

"It's not fine, and you know it."

"Look, Urarakra, he just said he needs time. He'll tell me if he's going to break up."

"Well, you love him don't you?"

"Yes! I do, but sometimes, love just isn't enough."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe we were just never destined to be together. Maybe it would've been better if we'd never met. If I'd never come to-"

"No. Don't say that. We want you here. I want you here. Look, I don't care about that joker - he can go be an ass for all I care. But you are my friend. You belong here." Before I could say anything, she continued. "Even if you weren't destined to be together, so what? I'm sure there's someone else out there for you. You just haven't met them yet." I smiled at her reassuring words and we left for class, but there was a small voice in my head that kept saying something bad was going to happen, and I couldn't help but agree with it.