Chased by El Lewis Vesper Esquivel

Chapter 11

That was the first time I witnessed Mom that angry and disappointed. And it's all because of him.

Sumubsob ako sa unan ko ng muli kong naramdaman ang panunubig ng mga mata ko. This isn't what I expected to happen while I was determined to quit with this engagement today...this is not part of my plan.

And again, it's all because of him.

Pero paano naman ako? How about my dream? I wanted to become a fashion designer...I wanna walk the runways too. I wanna pursue all of it in my accord, with no reservation and limitations.

All of my life, I abided by their rules. Naging masunuring anak ako sa kanila. I did my best to meet their standards, kahit na hirap na hirap na ako, kahit na hindi ko naman talaga gusto. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi man lang ako mapagbigyan ngayon.

Do I need to exhaust my life for them to be satisfied? Kailangan ko bang ubusin ang sarili ko para lang mapagbigyan sila sa mga gusto nila?

Ayoko.

I looked at my ceiling as I thought of everything that happened today. I haven't had my dinner and I just took a shower. I am physically and emotionally exhausted.

Then my doorbell suddenly rang. I wasn't supposed to entertain it but…it is either Mom or Dad. Or maybe Dad. Maybe he will lashed out at me just like what Mom did. Napahinga ako ng malalim, my night isn't ending yet.

But what’s new anyway? They never showered me with compliments. They always treated me like this...so I shouldnt give my hopes up with my current situation. Wala ng magbabago sa trato nila sa akin, and I am bitter that I already accepted it. I was born in this kind of family and the only thing that I could do now is learn from it.

Hinding-hindi ako gagaya sa kanila.

Napaupo ako sa kama ko, then stood up from my bed. I walked slowly as the tension in my chest rose up again. My hands were a little bit trembling too and my chest started constricting.

I need more strength.

I stopped right in front of my door, heaved out a heavy sigh and bit my lips. Which I regret. I bit the part that bled. I touched it gently as I felt how it stung. I should have applied some ointment on it.

I held my door knob carefully. And then opened it gently. I am ready for another lashing out.

I opened it widely...but no...it wasn't Dad. 

The fear inside me instantly became a feeling of rage as I looked at him, as he materialized right in front of me. He then stepped forward while looking at me with his regretful eyes. Hindi niya iyon itinago.

Anong ginagawa niya dito? What now? He wanted to ruin my already ruined night too?

"Ang kapal ng mukha mo!" I stepped forward and slapped his chest repeatedly. He shouldn't be here!

Wala na siyang karapatan na magpakita sa akin. He is evil and just purely disgusting. He even has the audacity to show his face right in front of my own home. This is my safety sanctuary and he dares to set his foot on it. After what he did? And he is the reason for my problems! This is all his fault, he is the root of all of it.

I continued hurting him physically. And he just stood there, accepting all of it.

"You shouldn't be here! Huwag na huwag ka ng magpapakita sa akin!" Slowly, I could feel my tears building up again as I hurt him.

Until it turns into sobs again. Akala ko wala na akong i-iiyak, but my day did not end yet and here I am again. I punched his chest and clutched his shirt tightly as I utter my words of disgustment.