Chased by El Lewis Vesper Esquivel

Chapter 38

So this is how it feels to feel genuine joy and contentment, time will pass by so quickly and you will remember nothing but the things that you have done together, hindi mo man lang namamalayan patapos na pala. It was as if death knocked on your door and you’re unprepared.

Na kahit alam mong matatapos na, hindi ka pa rin naghanda, o kahit handa ka man, kailanman ay hindi mo mararamdaman na handa ka na.

Surely, the days that I have spent with him were the most unforgettable ones, dahil sa kanya lang ako naging totoo. It was bittersweet because I won’t be able to forget about it, na kahit gustuhin ko man sigurong burahin at kalimutan na lang ay hindi ko kailman magagawa.

And the problem, I will probably long for it for years and years to come. Makakaramdam ako ng pangunguli pero wala akong magagawa para punan ito, all I could do is to reminiscent the memory and the person, but I surely know that I will never experience it again. And it sucks to know that I will never ever experience it again.

True love sucks. It never leaves you and will just forever haunt you.

I have already thought of these consequences but I still spoiled myself, hindi ko man lang nagawang pigilan ang sarili ko. Kahit sa huli ako lang rin ang masasaktan.

“So…mapapaaga alis mo?” It's just a one day difference but I am still not prepared for this. Akala ko meron pa kaming isang araw, pero tapos na pala.

He sighed heavily, stood up from the bed and held my hand. “There is an emergency…and I need to be there.”

I looked away from him as he packed his things.

He looked at me straight to my eyes, hinuhuli ang mailap kong mga mata.

“Do you wanna come with me?” He straightly asked. Hindi ko maitago ang pagkabigla ko.

“El…” I uttered, quite taken aback.

“You can come with me…but I won’t force you. Alam kong hindi ka pa handa.” He uttered seriously.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. He knew that I was not going to say ‘yes’. And maybe he just asked that question to make himself more believable. My heart sank at that thought.

Kahit alam ko naman na hindi totoo lahat ng ito ay hindi ko pa rin talaga mapigilan na umasa.

Yumakap ako sa kanya ng mahigpit. I inhaled his scent and I felt him hugging me back. Bumitaw ako at tumingin sa kanyang mga mata, my heart is beating so fast it felt like its gonna explode any moment from now. Sa kanya lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito, at mahirap isipin na baka sa kanya lang ako magiging ganito.

I tiptoed to reach for his lips, his arms automatically encircled on my waist. It was a slow kiss, but I poured my everything in that one last kiss and he kissed me back right after.

Pero parang hindi ko pa yata kayang bumitaw. Mahirap pa rin pala talaga.

“Please, don’t cry.” He uttered softly and I stopped kissing him.

Kaagad akong samubsob sa dibdib niya at muling yumakap ng mahigpit. He gently caressed my back softly and my eyes watered more.

At wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang titigan siyang umalis. It was a cruelty on my part, dahil ako lang naman ang nagpahirap sa akin ng ganito. I knew his motive from the very start but still, I gave in. Pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na bibigay pa rin ako.

I love him. I love El. And it sucks to know that I will probably never feel this way again towards someone else.

I closed my eyes tightly after sitting on the sofa and the deafening silence made it worse. Napasapo ako ng noo at tumingin sa kawalan. I need to move now too, there is no time for me to sulk more.