Can't Love Christmas

November 11th - 3:22pm

To: Cassiope@gomail.com

From: Ash10@gomail.com

Subject: I feel like an asshole

Cass,

I feel like an asshole today. It's Remembrance Day, which means I am supposed to be remembering the past and the sacrifices others made for me so I can live the life I have. People gave up their lives for our freedom. It shouldn't be that hard to think about that on a day like today.

But it is.

Now, maybe that's because I never knew anyone who fought in the war. I mean, my grandparents weren't even a thought yet. My great- grandparents were barely teenagers.

Maybe it's because I can't stop myself from Remembering other people. So instead, today I wore a poppy, but I thought about the people I am missing in my life right now. Since I don't really know anyone in this town yet, well, the list got a bit long. But you were at the top of it.

And for the briefest of moments, Can't-help-sticking-his-dick-where-it-don't-belong was too. Don't worry, I purged him with a mental tide to-go stick.

So yeah, I'm an asshole who can't do Remembrance day right. In this town, that seems like a banish-able offence.

Seriously, Remembrance Day in a small town is vastly different from Remembrance Day in the city. It's a holiday, and they actually close things here. Almost nothing is open. Sadiq stuck a sign on the door with a number to call if you had an actual emergency need for something, but I have the day off. Nothing else is open, so I went to the official ceremony, which was nice, but not having much of a connection to the people here yet, my mind wandered, and I realized I'm an asshole.

The ceremony was very nice though. They honoured everyone from this town, or family of people now in this town. It was personal, which was a refreshing change from the generic, duty-driven ceremonies that we used to have with school.

As far as I know, the only place open today is the pub, and it was opening after the ceremony. I heard people talking about meeting there afterwards. I guess they have some sort of tradition, but I brought my selfish self back home instead. They should have their moment together. Maybe someday I will have someone to go with.

Maybe someone in this town and I will fall madly in love and live happily ever after and I will have an actual connection that won't make me feel like an asshole at the ceremony every year.

A girl can dream, right?

Anyways, I can't help but think of you today. I know that's not what the day is for, but I miss you, and felt the need to state the obvious.

So, consider it stated.