Can't Love Christmas

December 26 - 8:00am

To: Cassiope@gomail.com

From: Ash10@gomail.com

Subject: Everything hurts

Cass. I might be dead. The only reason I know I'm not, is that you aren't here.

Artoo and I had a slumber party on my living room floor last night. Their 16 year old bodies hopped up like it was nothing this morning.

I nearly needed a crane to haul me upright. I know this sounds insensitive, especially to say it to you, but getting old sucks.

Also, I learned way too much about my siblings' personal lives last night. My brain will not accept that they are 16 now and it makes this stuff kind of okay.

To me they are always little and not interested in kissing. It's way less stressful. I wonder what it would be like if we were closer in age? Maybe they'd age more normally in my brain. As it stands, now I'm worried they'll soon have their first heartbreak, and I won't be around to support them.

Anyways, yesterday was crazy. Spent the morning with Rowan (10/10 would recommend, could definitely get used to that, his pancakes are amazing), then surprise! The whole family shows up on my doorstep. That was the shocker of the year. It must have been a mom plan, because it was not fully thought out. Warn the person you are going to visit! Especially if you want any kind of hospitality.

Naturally, Rowan ended up saving the day, and now my whole family is in love with him and mom wants me to have his babies immediately. My ovaries agreed with her, but my brain resisted.

The twins said Rowan is totally in love with me, but that can't possibly be true. What would they know about love anyways? They're 16. They haven't learned anything yet. Unlike me. I have learned much. I know, it wasn't exactly good stuff, but I know what it feels like to be in love, and to have someone love you. That's not happening here.

Rowan doesn't hate me, but I don't think he loves me. I think he finds me perfectly tolerable, and we will keep being friends. Not sure about the benefits situation though. Nothing has changed in how he treats me; it's like nothing happened. Maybe this is normal for him. I'm out of my element. How do normal people function like this?

So much is going on in my head right now, Cass. I just don't know what to think. I love my family and I'm so happy that they wanted to come see me, but if they were going on a trip, why not invite me to go somewhere else with them?

At least they didn't expect to all stay with me the whole time. I'm not even sure what they're going to do while they are here.

My family is crazy. Explains why you always fit in with them so well.

Merry Happy, Cassy