Can't Love Christmas

Thirty Eight

They had decided to have dinner at the hotel restaurant on the last night in town, so they stopped at Ash's house to grab everything they had left there. Though she'd tidied when they were away at the mall, it didn't take long for all her work to come undone. What she expected would take only five minutes took closer to half an hour. She quickly changed for dinner and an evening at the hotel, and was still waiting for the twins to be ready. She sat at the kitchen counter and bounced her leg until they were finally out the door.

She took her own car, and while Ryan chattered away in the passenger seat, Ash gripped the steering wheel tight and glanced in the rearview mirror every ten seconds to ensure their parents were still following. Every time Ryan's phone lit up with a new message, she feared it would be instructions to change directions; the possibility that her parents might have one big surprise left in them was too large to ignore.

At the hotel, they dropped their coats and bags in the room and went down to the restaurant with the bare minimum. Ash was jumpy and jittery until they were seated with drinks in front of them. Only then did she allow herself to relax that they weren't going to haul her to the Willow & Fern and throw her into Rowan's arms.

Her thoughts drifted to Rowan repeatedly during dinner. She hadn't heard from him again since the chocolate shake incident, though she knew he was likely just being considerate of her being with her family. It niggled the back of her mind though, that perhaps he had been scared off by her family. They could be intense, and they had not held back when he'd met them. Whatever could have bloomed between them likely withered when he learned just what she came with.

He was used to being a lone wolf, without family obligations and ties, able to do what he wants when he wants. It wouldn't make sense to give that up for Ash, when her family couldn't even comprehend the thought of spending a holiday alone. They weren't exactly subtle either, and their hints about the two of them likely scared him off. 

She hoped they could still be friends, but she refused to set herself up for more heartbreak. She hoped she could handle just being friends.

"Ash, are you still with us?" Tana's voice broke through her thoughts, and she startled.

"Of course."

"You looked a little maudlin there honey. Did you get lost in your head?"

"A little bit."

"What's bugging you?"

"Nothing really." No way she could mention this to them after everything she told them. "Just gonna miss you guys again."

Ryan leaned their head on her shoulder. "We'll miss you too. You could always move home again."

"You know I can't."

"Not even if we beat up Carloser for you?"

"He's not worth that. I'll be alright. Maybe you guys should move out here."

"Can I come live with you?"

"I'd need a bigger place. And they don't have a highschool in town. You get bussed out."

"Gross! Nevermind. I'd rather look at Reese's dumb hair all the time."

"What's wrong with my hair?" He frantically patted it and tangled his fingers in it.

"Nothing, Reese." Their mom replied, "your hair is fine. Ryan's just being difficult."

The rest of the meal passed in a blur, then Tana demanded the family return to their room to begin packing before it got too late.

In their typical fashion, this did not happen, as they got distracted watching television and playing cards. When Ash started yawning, Tana whipped them all into a packing frenzy, so Ash said her goodbyes and prepared to leave.

It was more tearful than she anticipated.

Her mom wrapped her arms around her, in a constricting hug. "I'm so proud of you baby girl. You're doing well for yourself, and I hope you find happiness. Whether it's just with yourself, or happiness with someone else, I just want what's best for you.

"I love you so much, and you are always welcome at home. When you need us, we've got you. If we need to deal with something back home first, we can do that. But, if you want to stay here, I support that too."

"Thanks Mom." She gave her an extra tight squeeze, then pressed her hand to her eyes to keep the tears back.

Reese was up next. "Bye Ashy." His hugs always started timid, and Ash squeezed him until he huffed out a laugh and squeezed back. "Bye, Reese. Stay out of trouble."

"Always! You're thinking of the wrong twin." He let go and stepped back, keeping his eyes down, making Ash think he was a bit more emotional than he wanted to be.

Ryan immediately took his spot, pushing him out of their way to wrap their limbs around Ash. Hugging Ryan was always like hugging an octopus. It seemed like there were more limbs than physically possible. Ryan tapped Ash's back three times, the way they used to do when words were too tough, and Ash drew a circle on their back in return. They didn't need words to know they'd always be there for each other.

Darren hung back slightly, so Ash walked to him and gave him a bear hug which he returned and lifted her off the ground. "Thanks for hosting us, kiddo. I love that you're building a life for yourself. I am so proud of you and I love you."

"Bye, Dad." Ash couldn't stop the tears this time and they leaked into his sweater. She let go and wrapped her arms around her mom one more time.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Be safe. We'll talk tomorrow, yeah?"

"Of course."

With one last long look and a wave, Ash headed back to her car, silent tears falling slowly the whole ride home. Impossibly, the house felt more empty than normal when she got there, and she curled up in her blanket until sleep claimed her.