Can't Love Christmas

December 6th - 3:02pm

To: Cassiope@gomail.com

From: Ash10@gomail.com

Subject: The rollercoaster of feels

Cass,

I was down, I was up, I was thrown for a loop. What a day.

So, I know why he hates Christmas. And it was heartbreaking. I don't think I can win the bet. I guess I can count freezing today as the official start to my training for January 1st.

Brr.

I have no idea where I stand with Rowan. I think we almost kissed, but we were interrupted and the moment was lost. And then Rowan was lost.

He got a call from Hannah. She needed help and he went running.

I'm not upset about it, I swear. I know she is super important to him, and I would never try to get in the way of that. His anxiety skyrocketed when he got off the phone. I've never seen anyone but me look like that. Specifically, Ash: Brazil Edition. But it was good to see how fast he was there for her. Nothing could have stopped him from getting to her.

I hope someday someone treats me that way.

He really opened up to me today, and I feel bad not telling him the truth about me. I just don't know how. How could he tell me what he told me today when I didn't even ask? Where do you find that courage? Oh my god Cass, am I just going to have to come right out and tell him everything? I don't think I can. I don't think I can face what I find if I unleash that beast.

But he'll hate me if I never share my secrets. There's already too much imbalance between us. I'm not made for a small town if everyone's going to have to know all of my business. 

Feel free to give me a good ol' fashioned spirit guide slap to the head to help me figure this out.

Ash