Can't Love Christmas

Thirty Five

Ash woke up early and took the opportunity to clean up a bit more, and scroll through the photos she had taken of her adventures with Rowan.

The ones she had posted were a carefully curated selection to look perfect next to everyone else's perfect pictures. But were they the moments that she would remember best from those days?

No.

She remembered the smiles, and the laughter. The brief touches and the exasperated looks he gave her. She remembered the way it made her feel to do those activities with someone else. It wasn't quite the same as the way she felt with Cass by her side, but it was a different feeling than she'd had with anyone else. A feeling of potential. The potential for hurt.

Ryan was still asleep on the couch when the rest of the family pounded on the door.

"Look alive Ryan" Ash called out, but the responding grunt was accompanied by Ryan burying their head deeper into the couch under the pillow.

Ash opened the door and Reese tumbled in. Tana and Darren followed more cautiously behind.

"Good morning darling. How are you?" Tana leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"I'm good. I think Ryan is alive, but I haven't confirmed."

Reese scrambled up from the floor, kicked off his boots and with a scream, pounced on Ryan.

There was muffled yelling and flailing and eventually they both ended up tangled in a blanket on the floor.

"It's amazing how much they miss each other after just one night apart isn't it?" Darren said with a smirk.

"Oh hush. At least we didn't have to hear them whine at each other all morning."

A resounding thwack sounded from the living room, where Reese was doubled over clutching his stomach, and Ryan stalked towards the bathroom.

"Well, let's get breakfast started and then we'll get on with our day!" Tana tiptoed through to the kitchen and launched a raid on the fridge.

-

Once Ash organized all the ingredients and supplies, it took exactly twenty-two seconds for someone to spill and make a mess. It was to be expected. Ryan was making the sugar cookie dough, Reese was on the gingerbread, and Tana was making shortbread. Ash and Darren would be recruited for the decorating, and sat on the couch together watching Jingle All the Way. Darren was always a Schwarzenegger fan, and he made a point to watch the movie at least one a year.

The kitchen wasn't big enough, so decorating moved to the living room. Cookies were cooling on every hard surface in every room. There was barely enough space to move around without bumping into someone, and tension was palpable as an elbow bumped here or there ruined another perfect icing design. Ash longed for the space of the Willow & Fern kitchen, and the ease of baking with fewer people around. 

With the oven running for so long, the apartment warmed up considerably, and Ash opened the back door to let some cool air in. Geoffrey was perched on the steps.

"Geoffrey, you should head home before Mrs. Rawson gets worried." He stared at her with blank eyes, then turned and stalked off in the opposite direction of home. "No! Other way!" Her shoulders slumped in dejection, she knew it was no use. That cat wanted to be an outdoor cat.

Four hours later, there were over a hundred cookies and mess everywhere. The carpet would be in desperate need of a deep clean once her family flew back home. Cookies were shifted to the side to make way for dinner preparation. Darren took over the space and ushered everyone out, and made even more noise than everyone else combined baking the cookies.

No wonder Geoffrey was running away. The house hadn't known peace since her family stormed in and flipped her quiet routine upside down.

By the time dinner was cleaned up and her home looked as normal as possible, they decided to take advantage of the perfect weather and go for a walk, so Ash took them to see the Christmas lights. They stopped for hot chocolates from the cafe next to the pharmacy, and carried on to the same route Ash took with Rowan.

No longer trapped in a small space with four other abnormally loud humans, Ash treasured the serenity that the park brought her. They were just as loud as they were in the house, but without walls to bounce off of, the wind carried away the volume and left only the sentiment behind. There was such a difference between going to see the lights with the whole family who loves Christmas, and one grumpy man who would rather the entire season just didn't exist.

Spirits were high and it was a beautiful night. But without her Grinch, the whole night felt different. Not better. Not worse. Just lacking.

She took a few more photos for Instagram, posing with her family, happy that this time she didn't need to fake anything. Their smiles were all genuine, the joy was present, and she was surrounded by the people who loved her the most, through everything that happened, and would willingly sacrifice their own Christmas for her. All for one, and one for all.

They dropped Ash off at home and headed back to their hotel. They'd be getting an early start to head to the Mall the next day, and Ash had to get ready to return to work. She'd be more exhausted than before the holidays started, but deep down she knew she wouldn't have it any other way.