It's fall now, Halloween morning.
I finally called my mom and told her what has been going on.
How we've been jobless since August.
Each month a struggle.
The stress is unreal.
And unwanted.
Barely enough to get by.
You're poor but you're not poor enough to receive help.
I always hope it gets better after this.
During this.
I'll call my dad later and tell him as well.
My mom was sympathetic, explaining that she's been 20 too.
I sighed.
It must be the midlife crisis thing but in early life.
I'd rather not have one every decade.
I have an interview this afternoon, hopefully it pulls through.
In the next three months, I want to be happy.
I want to get back into baking.
I want the apartment to be warm and cozy and clean.
It takes a lot to be honest with yourself and see that it's okay to ask for help.
Please, ask for help.
Don't struggle on your own.
It's not worth it.
You gain only misery out of stifling yourself.
I want to get a comfy bed set in my favorite colors (to match the seasons).
But for this moment, as long as I keep the roof over my head.
It's enough.
I dream of the day where I don't have to worry about anything again.
The trees outside my window are yellow and orange.
The room is so cold there's condensation on the windows (on the inside).
My wax warmer and salt lamp are on.
I've finished my coffee.
In thirty minutes I will wake Jes up and take a shower.
Hopefully seeing my dad will help.
There's lots to do and never enough time it seems.
The seasons will pass I'm sure.
For now, I'll enjoy the moments of peace in between all this chaos.
