(Orange Juice - Noah Kahan)
And I said.
My heart has changed.
And my soul has changed.
And my heart?
It's the monthly contemplate the universe and my existence Friday.
I'm aware that I truly know nothing.
If anybody knows anything please inform me.
Who knows.
When I go on my walk and think about how my parents life would have been different had I not been born.
But I have been born.
And I'm still here.
Is it to make up for my childhood or theirs?
Or neither?
If I'm the universe experiencing itself.
Or not?
Good lord, who knows at this point.
I had a lot of cool ideas and hopes when I was younger.
I wanted to be a writer and move to NYC (it was a phase).
Being a writer won't give me enough money to survive.
But am I even surviving.
It could be worse.
It could be a lot better.
I don't even know what "it" is.
I guess, my future?
Since I can't stay in the past.
But you can't exist in the future only.
How about a three for one.
Everything all the time, all at once.
No.
I have been trying to be patient with myself.
And my past choices.
But I just find anger.
God forbid I express any.
Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a reflection of my father, makes me feel ill.
Looking in the mirror at all makes me feel ill.
Not thrilled with physical perception 0/10 do not recommend.
I can only hope that in my future and in the future in general that things fall into place.
If they ever do.
History will probably repeat itself, long after I'm gone.
I hope I'm never reborn.
Once is enough.
Yeah, got a lot of good stuff going on down here..
Like uh corn chips and baseball.
The few interactions I have, makes the sun rise in my body.
Which I'm grateful for.
At least I try to be.
Change is hard for someone whose not used to doing literally anything.
I personally think it's sad.
The life I could've already lived.
But of course I can't hold that against myself because it's the past.
As for the present?
I'm pleasantly surprised when I wake up.
