Again.
I put myself in another situation with a guy.
The cat scratched me and the wound seemed to bleed more than it should've.
It ended of course.
He would've been toxic.
I think over the past two years my judgement has gotten worse.
I'm just hopeful that the next one will work.
(None of them work and none will).
That's just how it is.
I'm tired of people taking advantage of me.
I think they see how lonely I am and think great, she'll stay.
(I won't).
It just seems that I have terrible taste in men.
And maybe friends as well.
Not to be overly sensitive.
Just genuinely feel alone.
Living up to my namesake once again.
"But do you want to be alone?" He asks.
As if it's a choice.
If they cared, they would call / text.
People are busy.
As I get older, I've been learning to only rely on myself.
Stop telling people things, don't reach out.
Don't tell them everything.
That's where you get it wrong.
Not how it works.
You're not "normal" is what I was told.
"You're complicated".
For having boundaries and reasons from personal trauma.
If you don't want to know, don't ask.
If you don't care, I will tell you nothing.
It's sad that I can't just be.
I'm way too sensitive.
I have bad taste in men.
I'm mean.
I'm a baby.
I'm complicated.
I get treated too nicely.
Too many people are gentle with me.
Really?
It's not my fault that what you did or said hurt my feelings.
Imagine having so many you curl up on your bed in the dark and just cry.
I'm sorry you're unhappy with yourself.
I'm not complicated and there is no such thing as normal.
They must think I'm stupid.
Which I'm not.
It is my fault for having hope though.
Like sap on a tree, I stick to anything that brushes by.
A pedestal.
Then when they do something I think they wouldn't.
I'm just disappointed.
I would've never done that to you.
