When I was younger I enjoyed reading and writing to an obsessive extent.
I would read all the time.
I was quite advanced in my reading level.
As soon as I could write, I did.
When I was a kid I wanted to be many things.
A cop, a dog-walker, a lawyer, a writer.
None of those things quite worked out.
I kept being told that it would never work out
"It's unrealistic".
As a child who looks up to the adults in your life for guidance in those areas, being constantly dismissed like that affected the way I viewed things and even the way I viewed myself.
When you are raised in a kind of helicopter parents with a strictly ruled household it's hard to not have it affect you to the extent it did.
I wasn't supposed to date until I was 16.
Early curfew.
Not being able to hang out with people if my mom hadn't met them or their parents.
Being told not to cry.
To please my mom I followed all those rules.
We still had our fights.
We still do but at least at this point, I understand where she gets this behavior.
On both sides of my family, it's generational for it to be messed up.
Which affects me.
As the sole child of both sides.
I was the baby of both families.
The grandbaby.
I have cousins but they were older by 10 or so years.
Both sides of my grandparents adored me as they thought neither my mom nor dad would ever have kids.
Living with no siblings and just my mom for most of my life was honestly isolating.
I had friends yes.
It wasn't entirely lonely but in some aspects it was.
My dad has always to an extent been detached from me.
I don't know a lot about him even at this age.
I still learn things about my mom all the time.
It's kind of strange in my eyes.
Most kids' parents meet, fall in love, get married, and have known each other for years.
Mine met, dated, and then I was born and they split off in a way.
Neither (to my knowledge) got into another relationship after.
(It's interesting as we get older to reflect back on our lives and our childhood)
