we are sat in silence and I didn't really mind since I am tired as hell and I just needed silence to process shit
"so did u speak to rafe" jj says making me give him the dirtiest look ever
"that's really what you wanna ask out of all things maybe a are you okay after finding out most of your life's been a lie? would have been nice" I say as he looks away to the floor before looking back up at me
"sorry I don't know why I said that, are you okay?" he says as I shrug looking away
"what do you think jay? I lost you, I was kidnapped, found out my dads been alive this whole time and working with the guy who killed my second dad and tried to kill my bestfriend all in less then a day, oh no yeah I think I'm perfect" I say sarcastically as he nods slowly scratching the back of his neck awkwardly
"you didn't loose me by the way" he says as I look at him confused
"you said you lost me, you didn't" he says as I scoff
"pretty sure I did but sure" I say as he sighs and so do I
"it's more I lost you then you lost me" he says as I look away sadly
"jay tell me what you think about us and me I need to know what your thinking" I say badly needing to know all his thoughts right now
"I think you don't care about me or us anymore and after all we have been through I really can't believe this is how you want things to end for us" He says as I interrupt him in anger wishing I didn't ask for his thoughts
"Wait you really think I didn't say yes because I don't care and you think I want it to end like this? that was your decision for us to end so don't blame this on me, you gave me the ultimatum!" I shout pointing at him as tears fill my eyes from how hurt I feel about him thinking that
"well that's what it seems like hales" he says as I scoff
"I cannot believe that after ten nearly eleven years you do not know one thing about me!" I shout at him as every part of me feels like i need to break in his arms from the secret I have been hiding from everyone even you guys
"fine then why did you say no huh it doesn't make any sense for it be anything else other than you don't care and never did!" he shouts back at me getting in my face as I take a deep breath shaking my head holding tears in
"because it is too damn hard for me to commit to you jay and out of everyone you should know that about me, I can't even begin to explain how much I love you and when I think about not being able to hold you or kiss you every day anymore all cause I'm scared to be in love? it makes me wanna cry until I can't breathe" I shout as my voice starts to break and he just listens intently
"so if you really think I said no cause I don't fucking care about you and you don't mean anything to me your wrong because you mean everything to me and I don't wanna ever hurt you but loving you always ends up with me hurting you" I say not shouting anymore as I take a deep breath standing up and going to get out of here away from him
"hales you can't.. you can't" he shouts standing up as well as I turn around looking at him in anger
"what I can't what jj?" I shout at him as he looks at me like he is gonna cry and I look at him like I'm gonna cry
"you can't say all that and then run hales!" he says as I take a deep breath
"if I don't run then you have a chance to say something and I can't deal with what you will say you make me feel weak jj and I can't be weak.." I say sitting back down as he sighs sitting down as well
YOU ARE READING
jealousy || JJMAYBANK FANFIC
Romance"As I watch him laugh with her and her hand on his shoulder, there it was again the jealousy" ~ haley Freeland "As I watch her talk to Tom Pete whoever the prick is all I wanna do is beat the shit out of him, there it was again the jealousy" ~ jj m...
