P S Y C H E

Chapter Twenty Three

Mia

After my interaction, I made my way home. It was nice to have somebody to talk to about books. I had so many questions for this guy. I might be slightly delusional but, I don't think it ever hurt me? Okay maybe a little but, we don't talk about it. I just waited patiently for the bus to come to a stop as I stepped off it's platform. I went home and would go inside. There was so much to do and so much little time. However, when I got there, no one was home.
So I thought.
I then saw a light turn on and I flinched. I just looked at my aunt's boyfriend and didn't say anything. I clenched my fists and let my lips part.
"Where the hell have you been? Hm?" I freeze. "Out." I turn to leave.
He then grabs me by my scalp and push me. "Did I say you can leave? You know you sure do have a mouth on you. Let's put it to good use." He explained. I tensed. He then slapped me upside the head as he began to undo himself. I would just run to my bedroom. I hurry up and locked it.
I then push my tv stand and desk infront of it. My desk was plastic so, I didn't know what the actual fuck that would do but hey, it was worth a shot to at least attempt it. I then would pant and rub the back of my head.  I just start sobbing frantically.

I can't have this happen. Not again. I just needed a second to myself. So, I go over to my bed and I hide underneath it.
I should open the window and make it look like I left. Yeah, good idea. I could hear him try to break in. I got about twenty seconds before he breaks down the door. I then look over at the holes the mice had made through the floor boards.
I cover my mouth because I'm deeply afraid of mice. I would just continue to cry and shake. 'What did I do to deserve this?' I ask myself repeatedly in my mind.

I just wanted to be out.
I wanted to be free.
I wanted to make aname of myself.
But how was I gonna get to that point? I had no living family who care enough for my education yet alone, five kids education. I had the trauma that no therapy bill could fix. I had to live with the person who likes to molest me while no one's looking so of course, don't believe the teenage girl who hates her life.

That's what the cops had said when I tried my best to get the recognition.

The closure that you see about in the movies.
There was lack of proof.
In the end, I was fucked.
Once I heard him give up. I stopped. I crawled out from underneath my bed and instantly start to shake. I grab the razor I liked to keep close and slice my skin. It calmed the pain and stopped the shaking and made me feel so much better.
I had learn that from a book character. I just wanted a second to myself. I want to be numb and not feel a single fucking thing. Not in times like this. I wish I couldn't feel so I could just take it.

I couldn't and I never would be able too.
What the fuck was I thinking?

I then stopped. It was a nice feeling and I would walk away. Putting the razor blade down. I just shrug. There was so much wrong with me. I was a fucking train wreck. I needed mental help but there was to much to say. To much to do. I just needed that escape again.
I did want to die. Yet, I was told I was overexaggerating. I didn't think so.
I thought everyone wanted too.
However, I lost my only escape and couldn't bare it anymore. Then, I heard the door slam. I watched him get into his truck and drive away. Now was the time.
It was selfish. It was cruel. But no one needed to know.
I enter the bathroom and grab my advil. I pour atleast fifteen capsules into my hand and took it. I waited until I passed out.
I then woke up the next morning, puking.

It didn't work.