P S Y C H E

Chapter Fifty-Eight

AJ

He can't leave me. He can't leave me now. He can't leave me ever. I couldn't let him go. It felt so foresakingly wrong and it made me question so much shit. We weren't supposed to grow up fearing for our lives like this, we were too young! He was all I had. I loved Mia to death but  Miles is my family. I couldn't walk in yet. I needed to give him and Mia some alone time because If I went in there, god knows what I would say or do in this situation. This was like losing a father figure. Something anybody knew of Miles was that Miles was the luckiest of us all, except for tonight. When that bastard shot him down and... no, we weren't there yet.

I watched her step out and let us all go in. I watched Ace and Tony go in, then Kylo, now it was me. Me and Miles. Miles and I. My lungs began hurting as I fought the tears. I refused to let him see me cry right now. Right now I needed to be as I usually was but my facade was slowly crumbling and shattering to a million pieces of glass. Stepping into that room, my mind didn't know what the fuck to expect truly. It was terrifying. 

However, my fake smile turned genuine immediately and I laughed "What are you doing?" I said and shook my head as I looked at him. He pushed his lips out, in a duck face, and stated "I'm taking my final Playboy photos." I just smirked, biting my cheeks as I watched. There was no way in hell I knew what he was going through right now. He then handed me his phone. "Hey, Cash." 

I smiled. "Hey, big bro. You ready to go home?" He shook his head. "Don't be naive. You're smart. I get it coming from Mia, not from you though." I stilled. "Not like it's a bad thing. I'm just saying mr.hero." I nodded. Now that I was processing this, I wasn't sure where Mia and I would stand because I wouldn't be in that house for weeks if he were to go anywhere. Anywhere without me.

Something to remember and that kept finding its way into my head is that we all traveled in packs and nobody knew him the way I did. Looking into those bright green eyes, I licked my lips as I could see them finally getting ready to break. He dabbed me up pulled me in and asked "Can you call him?" I struggled for his phone but eventually agreed. 

"Yes, of course, um..." I called.

and called.

and called one last time. It rang once. Fucking once. And went to voicemail. Jaeden put his supposed best friend to fucking voicemail. Not even one more I love you. There I watched Miles finally break. His face was devastated and he just cried and cried. What was I going to do? I held him close. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry he isn't here right now. I swear, Miles."

"No fuck him, I don't need him." He didn't want to say goodbye anyway, because this would mean forever. My heart gripped inside my chest as I then went to the door and gestured for them to come in. Mia was on the phone with Skylar but hung up immediately. She was at his side for his final moments. Those moments when his body went cold.

I don't know what was said as I gripped his hard and watched him struggle to talk to everyone. All I felt...was cold. Then when his heart monitor started beeping uncontrollably, my eyes observed the scene heavily and I held on, refusing to let go. No matter what doctor pushed me out of the way, you bet your ass I pushed back ten times harder. I was holding onto everything. Onto all of our memories. Of him taking me in and raising me as his own at such a young age. It hurt so hard for so many different reasons.

And the man he called his best friend wasn't there when his time of death hit. Staying with him, Kylo had to ply me off of him as I broke down into whimpers and they eventually turned into sobs and the next thing I knew, she was there as I watched them take my best friend's body. "All he needed was one final fucking call!" Mia was also crying. "Shh baby, I know. I know." She pulled me in tight and I fell to my knees and she caught me. Ace then caught onto her and Tony came in from behind me as Kylo just stood, looking around confused as to what was happening. 

All he knew was the energy was off for us, but how would he know better if he was a sociopath? I just watched him walk out but I craddled closer to what remained of our family.

I was lost and ultimately lost without my brother.

That's when I lost myself entirely. Losing Mia somewhere along the way.