True Love's Bite

31 // Severed

My baby was hooked to all sorts of machines, and he looked so small and vulnerable, it made my heart bleed.

I couldn't hold him or smell him, I could only see him from afar.

He was currently in the neonatal intensive care unit, and we had to wear hospital gowns, gloves, and masks in order to enter the NICU, it felt as though we were handling our child like he was some sort of a virus.

I lost count to how many machines he was connected to, I desperately wanted to touch him through the holes on the incubator, and I so wished I could take his place.

"I failed him."

"Don't say that," Silas said in a heavy voice.

I shook my head. "But it's true. I should have taken better care of myself, I should have prioritised myself and my son instead of worrying over irrelevant things. I should have paid more attention to my body when he tried communicating with me."

I recalled all the times I was in pain and chose ignored it instead of calling the doctor or taking the necessary steps and rest.

"Don't do this to yourself, you did nothing wrong."

I lowered my head back and glanced at him since he was standing behind me with his hands clutching the top of my wheelchair while he stared at the ahead with glassy eyes. "You are just saying that," I argued and returned my gaze to my little angel.

He released a shaky breath. "If there's anyone to blame, it should be me. I neglected you."

"Even if that is true, I still should have done better, I should have known better."

"Fine. Fine, Yvonne." Silas sounded exasperated.

"So, you agree that it's my fault, too?"

I heard him release a long breath before twirling the wheelchair in his direction, and he squatted in front of me. "I'm just telling you what you want to hear. Yvonne, do you have any idea what an amazing person you are? You are always there for everyone around you that sometimes you even forget to be there for yourself and take care of you. I realise that I am one of those people, and I am so sorry for putting you in that position when I should have been the one taking care of you."

"Do you realise that we never even discussed baby names? We never even prepared his nursery. We did not prepare anything for his arrival."

His long and pale fingers danced on the back of my hands as he caressed me while blindly staring at my lap. "Yeah. But if I were to be honest, I didn't stress about the nursery because I didn't like the idea of having my baby sleep in a separate room, I wanted the both of you close to me."

That saddened me because that was exactly what I wished for right now, but it would not be possible. "Nurse Maggie told me that they might discharge me tomorrow. I'll have to leave him behind until he's fully developed and healthy. I understand, but I feel like I am abandoning him, like I didn't give him the love he deserves."

"I don't agree with you, but if that's how you feel, then you have every second from now to make up for that. Just look at him..." He nodded towards the incubator, and I followed his gaze. "That little fellow needs you more than ever, he needs all your love. I know it is not going to be easy being away from him, but it won't be forever, and you can visit every day and spend as much time as you need with him. You just need to be strong for him, and you will soon be holding him in your arms."

I guess it was time we discussed the living arrangements and how we were going to co-parent, especially since he was being targeted in every direction. While I was intent on making our relationship work, this was not the right time to get to that, the baby was the main priority.