doomed

Chapter 60 a

Friday night.

Friday night and I've been lying in bed for the last two hours, getting zero sleep as my heart is racing and my breath is getting lost between thoughts.

While Cassies calm sleeping noises besides me really do help calm me down, there was possibly nothing that could ease my mind right now.

Not a single thing left to do.

I had done the last face off and weigh in, I had done the press conferences, I had made weight and I had done all the training I could have possibly worked through. I had put in the work, more than I ever thought I was capable of.

Still everything in me was yelling I hadn't done enough.

Not close to good enough.

I knew it wasn't that way, I knew I was prepared and ready for whatever war I had to face in there.

But that did not ease the thoughts running through my mind, yelling at me how much of a loser and overconfident asshole I would be left with tomorrow.

Who even was I to fight for a world title?
Who even was I to get this chance?
I was a no one, I was the person people wanted to see lose.

Or did they?

Today at the face off I had heard so many positive things, talked to hundreds of people. People who had flown out to see me fight, people who had scratched together their last dollars to pay for seats.

People who wanted me to win.

Either way, did that even help?

If I would lose they had done all of it for nothing, they had spend money for no reason but to see me get beat up.

I felt like a loser while I hadn't lost once.
Never in my life had I doubted myself more than I was doing right now.

Was I good enough?
Or was I just a stuck up kid with a too big ego?

I turned back around, feeling my heart pound against my chest and my head feeling dizzy.

I wanted to be in the ring already, this was the worst time. Right before the fight day, there was nothing left to do, nothing left to secure. It was done.
The work you had put in was over, the waiting not.

Warmth.

A hand placed on my back and I turned right back to her.
"You're still awake?" I nodded slowly. Unable to hide it now regardless of how much i wanted to.

"What's wrong?" her hand cupped my cheek, stroking it slowly.

"I'm just nervous, I want to be in the ring already. This is torture." "You know if you would let yourself sleep time would fly by faster?"

I knew she was right, I wanted to sleep too but my mind was not letting me. My heart was too fast, my blood too thin and quick, my head too heavy and my skin too tight.

Her eyes wandered over my face, light by the small light outside.

We were sleeping in a hotel close to Madison square Garden, had gone to dinner with my coaches as well, all there really was left to do was sleep.

"Hey" I pulled my eyes away from the wall and back to her face.

"Hey" I mumbled back, unsure what to say.

"How can I help you?" I had no idea.

But her voice had always calmed me, at least a little bit.

"Can you just talk? I feel like I need to focus on something else than my thoughts." That was true, and reasonable. Nothing to be judged for?