doomed

Chapter 35

Another authors note
(Sry) just wanted to let you know I made a Spotify playlist and added all the songs to the introduction chapter!!
https://spotify.link/fwK9I5PwBDb
Doomed - deyluvu

Chapter 35
His plate had been empty a while before mine which triggered me, I hated eating alone in front of people. But the food was too delicious to act as if I was full.

We had talked a little more about my sewing, when exactly I had started and what I was working on right now. I liked telling him about it, he actually seemed interested and didn't just ask to get on with a conversation. The whole time I had talked he had nodded and asked questions as soon as something new came up.

It was probably the bare minimum but I still appreciated it, sewing and crocheting seemed like a boring topic for most people and hard to get anyone interested in who wasn't in the field already. He even said that he wanted to crochet with me, which to be fair he probably would pull back as soon as i would offer it but the effort was sweet.

I took the last bite of noodles I could scrape out the dish and felt unsatisfied by the emptiness on my plate. I was extremely full but it was so delicious I would have eaten three more bowls if possible.

Kiernan smiled at me as I finished, "You want dessert?" I would have said yes, but my stomach was so full I could barely swallow the sip of water I took from my also almost empty glass. Then I shook my head. "Full"

"Okay, you want anything else? A drink or something?" I wagged my head again, realizing now that the time was up. He would probably drive me back home now and it left me feeling a little sad.

I remembered what I had said to myself in the car, how I wanted this to be our last meet and that we would never speak again. I didn't want that anymore, the exact thing I had been scared of during the drive was reality now.

The more I talked to him and the more time I spend around him, the more comfortable I felt. Right now, sitting across from him in this restaurant felt like the most normal thing I could do. Like it was so right and easy.

I couldn't have imagined the situation even three hours ago, now I didn't want it to end. I wanted to talk more with him, to find out the other stuff he was hiding, to get to really know and understand him. And I wanted him to do the same thing too.

I wanted to explain him my life, to show him who I was and how I was like. And I didn't want to wait for another meet up, I wanted to spend more time with him now. Because if I left now maybe I would change my mind again and I wouldn't get the chance to know him.

Why was this all so confusing?

I wanted him gone but I also wanted him here.

I wanted him to be my friend but I also couldn't stand the idea to be his.

"You wanna go?" I looked back to him, his brown hair looking darker in the dim light and the few hairs on his chin peaking out more than usual. The light came from behind him which made him look like the main character during a theatre show.

I finally nodded, unsure why or how I had made myself do it.

I needed to stop listening to my heart so much and do what was actually right.

"Okay I'll go pay and say bye to Atid, you wanna say goodbye too?" "Mhm" I nodded at him, following him out the booth and down the three steps. He had our dishes in his hand, being generous with the waiter- his friend.

"You're leaving already?" Atid said to him as he put the dishes down in the sink across the bar. I peaked up to Kiernan from the side, now the light was shining directly in his face. He looked younger that way, the dark made him seem a little older.