Under the stars I A Shubman gill x Ishan kishan Fanfiction

Acceptance? Or not so soon.

Denial.

Ishan was in a strong state of denial.  No one could imagine what he was going through right now. He paced back and forth in the empty room as shubman was out talking to Ritika Bhabi. As the break extended for a week, All of the teammates decided to meet up with the family and a few came over as well.

The laughter and chatter from the common area usually calmed Ishan from his intruding thoughts but they weren't much help to him today. He feared his profound secret would come to everyone's notice if he were in there with all of them.

Ishan was a bad secret keeper.

"I can't be feeling this way," he muttered to himself, the words sounding more desperate with each repetition. The weight of societal expectations, the fear of judgment, and the conservative environment he navigated daily fueled his denial.

"How can I be in love with a guy?" Ishan whispered making sure he wasn't loud. He took so much time to even process what he was feeling.

Ishan tried to convince himself that it was just a phase, but deep down he knew it wasn't that simple. The truth was like a shadow on his thoughts which kept hanging.

"It's not natural" 

"What's not natural?" Shreyas says as he comes in. The room was accessed by each one of the team. Thankfully the timing was right and he didn't listen to what Ishan was mumbling a minute ago because that would have been awkward and Ishan didn't want to explain things right away without having to overthink it.

"You won't understand bhai. I'm having a battle with the truth." Ishan says holding up an imaginary sword in the air.

"Ishu, are you sure you haven't gone crazy? What in the philosophical world are you talking about?" Shreyas states.

"Hey ghost, get out of our ishu's body. He's talking shit about philosophy." Rahul chimes in with Shreyas. 

Pulling Ishan's legs was always everyone's favourite thing to do.

If Rahul gave a call to Virat bhai now, he would stop talking to Anushka bhabi and come up running. That's how much everyone loved Ishan and teasing him was definitely second on the list.

Shreyas raised an eyebrow, studying Ishan's troubled expression. "Come on, spill it out. What truth are you battling with?"

"I don't know bhai, It's just something I haven't figured it out. When I do, I promise I will tell you all before talking to myself about it" 

"Yes, please don't talk to yourself ever again. We thought you were leaving a cricket and becoming a poet. You're the most poet-ic when alone. But, we love our crackhead Ishan the most. " Jadeja says as he comes in with Virat.

 Everyone just came inside Ishan and Shubman's shared room, and Ishan was so glad they did. He didn't want to hear his own thoughts. He didn't want to battle with the truth. He just wanted to forget everything and sit with everyone.

Ishan would have liked it better if he was alone with shubman though.

Ishan was sure of something now, He could diagnose himself with a mental disease. A mental disease of homosexuality.

Oh yeah, Ishan definitely didn't stay up the whole night searching for psychological terms in the dictionary.

The night Ishan felt miserable as he kept taking little glances at his best friend who looked a thousand times more attractive when he was asleep. He wished that he didn't break up with Niyati. He wondered if he'd even think about Shubman in a more than platonic way if Niyati and him didn't break up

Would talking to Niyati now help? Would talking to Raj bhaiya feel better? 

But, Ishan was still not sure if he would call himself Homosexual as he had never felt this way, never felt those churning feelings in his stomach for a man.

He never had those damned butterflies,

He never blushed so hard until his cheeks went a shade of deep crimson,

He had never thought about anyone for the whole day, 

He never looked at anyone,

like he looked at Shubman, Not even his previous girlfriend, Niyati. 

 He never thought of a man in a romantic way, Why did he want to pin Shubman across the wall and kiss him till both of them were desperate for air? Why was he having the strongest urge to run his hands through Shubman's hairlocks? Why did he want to visit those cute little cafes with Shubman but, not only as a friend? Why did he want to spend the rest of his life with Shubman?

Shubman was a man of his word and he would never leave Ishan for anything in this world. Ishan had that trust in him. But he just came to know that the love that he had for Shubman was way more than what he imagined it to be.

Was Ishan homosexual ? He didn't have an answer to that.

But Ishan was definitely Shubman-sexual, Shubman-romantic, Shubman's everything.

 Ishan definitely didn't create those words at 2 a.m. at midnight.

Definitely not.

The dictionary sure did help Ishan in clearing his mind of a few things. 

But, Ishan was determined to not let this secret out.

He was also determined to improve his cricket every day.

So, The next morning he pretended as if everything was normal and went on with that stupid little smile of his. 

Shubman pretended to not notice as Ishan looked really fixed on whatever facade he was putting on.

 A little pretending won't harm.

right?

Shubman thought so much for the last week but nothing cleared things up. He kept growing more and more confused because of Ishan's behavioural changes,

Shubman didn't want to put it in words but he was irked right in the nerve because of the decrease in the proximity with his best friend. It felt like Ishan was trying to distance himself from Shubman and Shubman was definitely beyond annoyed.