Levi X Reader // New Trainee(R18) // Lemon

I want you to stay

Levi stood there, taking a breath as he closed his eyes to think. I waited nervously in front of him, not knowing what was bothering him. I desperately was going through every interaction I have had in the past few days, trying to understand his attitude now.
"Come with me, outside," he spoke coolly. I nodded, grabbed my cloak as he turned around and led me quietly down the stairs and outside into the night. The moon was out and he carried a candle, so I could still see his face clearly enough, his cold expression never wavering. Finally, he led me to a spot under a few trees where at least one hundred fireflies were lit up around a wild flower garden.
"It's beautiful, why are we here?" I asked bluntly. He went and laid back on a tree before speaking.
"It is a place I come to think," he told me quietly. He took a breath in before saying, "look I need you to listen and listen good,"
I nodded, surprised by his seriousness in the night with me. The candle he was holding flickered under him as he explained what was bothering him.
"In one month, we are going on a scouting expedition. Erwin has seen your abilities at the wall and has set you as a vital component of the regiment," he explained, seemingly holding back the pain in his voice.
I nodded, this would be my first expedition outside the walls. I knew the day would come, but why is he acting like I didn't sign up for this?
"I don't want you to go," he told me plainly. I was shocked. I spent so much time training for this. The emotions swelled up inside me as I clenched my fist.
"Do you not believe I can do it? After all I trained for?" I responded, trying to keep my voice steady but my anger apparent.
"No, I know you are capable, beyond that. When Erwin told me there was a cadet whose training was so excellent, next only to mine, I went to see for myself and recognized you. The reason you were handpicked for Levi squad directly out of training was because Erwin did a favor for me. I told him I wanted to mold you for my squad out of the training. Why do you think we haven't gone on a mission in over two months? I was given time to train you further!" He explained, trying to calm me but it only made it worse.
I felt ashamed and embarrassed. The reason I was picked wasn't because of my ability but nepotism. What's worse, he didn't even want me to go. He didn't see me as a real scout.
"Why do you not want me to go? I am a scout like you," I asked, fighting back my tears.
He looked at me shocked as he walked up to me, grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him in those beautiful gray eyes.
"I've seen countless of my comrades die, under my care or not. I carry only their memories, I can't let that happen to you, even risking it tears me up inside. I want to protect you, we will find a way to make you stay," he explained to me desperately. I just shook my head and pushed him off. The tears flowing now.
"Come and talk to me again when you respect me like a member of your team instead of your girlfriend," I turned away, leaving him with the flowers and fireflies as I ran back to the house and up the stairs.
I got into my room, shutting the door and putting the lock as I fell onto my small bed. I buried myself in the covers and let out a few more silent cries before drifting off to sleep alone, for the first time since I arrived.
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The next morning, I put on my best cadet face as Commander Erwin arrived to tell us all for the "first" time of our newest scouting mission.
I was sent to play rear support with the rest of the Levi squad. Erwin specifically wanted me to be responsible for the left wing and Levi on the right with the others filled in between us. It would have us at the most vulnerable positions, an honor only given to those capable enough to defend the others further in formation. The mission was to find and capture two live titans for experimentation and return with any scavenged resources. We have one month to train before our expedition.
I nodded and gave the soldiers salute with the others.
After we were dismissed, we went right back into training. If they weren't taking it seriously before, they certainly are now. Everyone focused deeply on their own individual weaknesses for the day until the sun began to set. Even dinner was quieter than normal, lacking the usual cheer from the others. The thought on everyone's mind was who was going to be the next victim on this expedition.
When I got to my bedroom for the night, I stayed awake, patiently waiting for a knock. I heard nothing, knowing I would sleep alone again if I did nothing. Levi had intentionally been avoiding me all day, clearly unsure how to process my emotions I laid bare the night before. When I sat to think about it, he wanted to protect me from the horrors and fate of so many he had seen before. It makes sense he would feel that way. I swallowed my pride and went to the second floor, and quietly knocked on his door.
When he cracked it open and saw me, he relaxed and allowed me inside quietly shutting the door behind me. His room was not luxurious by any means, but his bed was somewhat bigger than mine and would comfortably hold the two of us. His window overlooks the landscape, a clear view into the fields with great vantage point. Levi was still dressed in his uniform with a small table holding his favorite black tea.
"Well? Why is it your here?" He asked me bluntly. He held his cold expression, not wanting to show me his emotional side like the previous night. I could understand as I took a breath.