Bound by Fate | [✓]

26. Fear of Separation

"I dream about us night." I speak softy as I take another deep breath. Filling me with nothing but Evara's scent and it took everything in me not to look at her as we stood there. Under the soft and radiant moon.

To the world the moon was radiant. Beautiful. Rare.

But to me...

I have only one moon. The one who wouldn't let me look at her.

The one who was in my hold.

So close. Yet so far away.

"I dream about us laughing together. I dream about us eating together. I dream about us having an argument over where to go for vacation and I dream about us going wild with each other." I speak even softer.

The dream sounding so surreal. So fragile.

I didn't want to jinx it. I don't want to be superstitious but every time I said something good about us. I was scared about the repercussions. I was scared of what if it turned into a nightmare like it always had.

I dreamt about us.
I had nightmares about us.

And now sleeping terrified me.

Because dreams gave me hope while the nightmares thundered in the darkest, deepest corners of my heart. The wounds that never healed. I was terrified of Evara disappearing again.

"You shouldn't dream about me. You shouldn't dream about us."

Evara whispered her voice sounded pained. Hurt yet her words hurt even more. It hurt so much that I could do nothing but smile. Smile to hide the tears that almost made its way out.

Crying was never a weakness to me. But I refuse to hurt Evara by let her see me hurt.

I took a step behind her, as my hand rested on her waist and chin rested on her shoulder as I took her into my arms from behind. I wanted to. No I needed to calm down. And there was no one to calm me if I broke down again in front of Evara.

She doesn't push me away. She doesn't so much as flinch but she does sigh softly while placing her hands on top of mine.

How can you drive me crazy?
How can you so easily ask me not to do the only thing that I have been doing to keep myself alive for all these years... Darling?

When you left me in reality.

You stayed in my dreams. I loved them because you were there in them. I loved them because I knew it meant you stayed as long as I dreamed.

And then my nightmares evaded my sweet filling dreams. Ripping you away from me even in my wishes.

Is it really that hard for me to want you...Evara?
Is it a crime to love you so much that I forget myself?