Seasons

The Final Night - III

Anntonia's POV:

No. This can't be. 
 
I stared at her with so much sympathy and sadness. She never met my stare, but I saw how she's trying to compose herself and not burst into tears.
 
The announcement that it was Miss Colombia who took the fifth and last spot in the Top 5 kept ringing in the back of my head. 
 
Don't get me wrong, I have too much love for each and every girl here, and I think all of them are deserving. But you can't blame me, Michelle deserves to be standing here with me in the Top 5, and I am not saying this because she's the woman of my heart, but because I know that she's not just a material Miss Universe outside; she's also a Miss Universe within.
 
I felt my heart aching so hard as I watched her leave the stage with the other five ladies who didn't make it either.
 
Again, it was on her shoulders. It was tensed, based on my observation. I know she's hurting and questioning herself about why that happened.
 
I had to fake a smile when the camera started passing by to feature the five of us.
 
I feel empty all of a sudden. I don't want to move, and I feel weak, but I forced myself to look at the crowd, specifically to my team, who was still cheering with so much pride and energy, because they were happy to see me still standing strong here.
 
I should be happy too. I am almost there. It's not time to be eaten up by this discouraging feeling within me.
 
This is not a fight for myself alone. I am fighting for Thailand, for my Miss Universe Thailand team, for Fabienne and Papao, and for Michelle. The universe is just giving me bigger reasons to fight until the end. 
 
It's not over until it's won. 
 
I breathed heavily and smiled at the crowd. I waved my hands to express the wavering emotions I was feeling at the moment.
 
The five of us went to the center stage, and the hosts received a cue to open the round.
 
"Welcome back! We are getting down to the wire here in El Salvador. We started with 84 women vying for the crown, and now we're down to just five."
 
"They've been doing everything they can to impress the selection committee. Now, they'll be taking questions directly from the panels themselves, and only three of them will move on to the next round."
 
I can't really focus on what the hosts are saying. Everything is overwhelming. It was in 2019 when Thailand last reached this Top 5 placement in Miss Universe.
 
I decided to be in the moment and let this sink in. I am about to be called in a few; I must not look like a lost puppy here. A lot of people have their eyes on me, being the only Asian in the Top 5.
 
My eyes were focused on the crowd, absorbing how supportive they could actually be for the candidate they were rooting for. I mean, yes, it wasn't my first time. But Miss Universe is totally different. My national pageant is already huge because Thailand is known to be one of the best in production, but this is just a lot bigger than anything else.
 
I knew I'd been distracted for a while when I heard my country being called.
 
"Thailand, you are up. Please come over and choose your committee member."
 
I walked towards them and greeted them with a smile. Not to be biased, but I feel really more comfortable being close to Miss Jeannie than the other two. She's only the one who greeted me back. 
 
Anyway, I drew the cards and picked one out of the remaining ones. I gave it to Miss Jeannie, and she gave it to Miss Olivia.
 
It was number 6.
 
"You chose number 6. Avani Gregg, what is your question for Miss Thailand?" I faced the selection panel and kept my smile after hearing Miss Olivia.
 
"If you could speak to a room full of students about online bullying, what would you say?"
 
I paused for a minute to generate an answer to that question. "I would say to not listen to what people have to say because in the end, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it is up to us on how we react to it. Use our voice to stand up for what is right and be the change that we want to see in the world by leading by example. Don't listen to the hate because it doesn't shape us, but what shapes us is how we get back up and how we move forward from that. Thank you." I said and bowed to express my fulfillment to have the chance to say something about bullying.

"Thank you. Okay, we are down to the last question of this round. Colombia, please come on up."
 
I went back to where the other three ladies were standing and once again focused on the roaring crowd. We waited for Miss Colombia to finish, and the floor director was already instructing something to the cameraman.
 
After a while, the hosts announced a commercial break, and the five of us went directly to the backstage. 
 
Just as soon as I stepped off the stage, I hurriedly went to the preparation area to check if she was there. 
 
None.
 
I was looking for her everywhere until my gut told me that she's probably in the comfort room. I sneaked into the comfort room carefully, trying not to bump into a staff or else I'm doomed.
 
I opened the doors one by one, and I saw no traces of Michelle until I reached the third door. I was about to push it so that it would open, but someone blocked it. I took a step backward to see, at a glance, what color the dress of the person occupying that space was.
 
Black. Got it.
 
"Dee."
 
The door opened, and I saw the swollen eyes and reddish face of Michelle.
 
I have never seen her in this state. Never in those three years of friendship.
 
I suddenly rushed inside and closed the door. I cupped her cheeks and looked at her worriedly. She was even doing this hiccup, like she's having a hard time breathing.
 
"Dee, please. You're hurting."
 
She tried to wipe her tears, and she smiled at me. Her eyes were glistening because of the tears, but I saw the reassurance in her eyes.
 
I know that she's happy for me.

"W-Why.. Why are.. you.. h-here? Y-you must.. be just there, A-Anntonia.." She forced to say in between her sobs.

"Dee, I can't just leave you in this state." I softly said and helped her to wipe her tears.

"P-Please.. come back there.. They will.. be l-looking for you."

"Please, Dee. Let's calm ourselves first."

"H-how can I.. if you're h-here rather than.. focusing o-on your dream."

"Dee, what makes you think I can go on if I know that you're being like this?"

"A-Anntonia, please.. listen to me.. I don't w-want to be the r-reason of your.. distraction. You have f-first priorities before I.. came."

"So you can always put me first but I can't do the same for you? That is not how this is supposed to work, Dee."

"I.. I love y-you. Please go b-back. I'm still g-going to watch y-you. T-take that.. crown, b-baby."

My heart melted when she planted soft kisses on my right and left fist, one on my cheek, one on my forehead, one on my right arm, one on my nose, and one peck on my lips.

It feels like every part of me that she just kissed was a temple, and her kisses made it more sacred. There was a security and intimacy.

"Baon mo.. I'll be o-okay. I j-just have to let this out."

I touched her nape and pulled her closer to kiss her eyes. The tears can't stop falling and it breaks my heart big time to see how it affected Michelle.

"I'll call, Fab. Okay? Wait for her here."

"N-noted." She responded and saluted to me.

I was about to rush out of the room and call Fab when I remembered that something was missing.
 
"I love you, Dee. I'll try to win this, and do know that I will always have you in my mind by the time that I am on that stage. Please remember that."
 
I quickly left the room when I said those words. I felt shocked that I said it to her, and it was in the moment of her suffering.
 
But I guess it's just the right time. She has to hear it from me.
 
I searched for Fabienne in the backstage area, and luckily, she was just walking around the less crowded space, so it was easier for me to approach her.
 
"Fabienne!"
 
"Girl! What do you think you are doing? They are looking for you!" Fab scolded me.
 
"I know that's going to happen. But please," I said, stepping closer to her so no one would hear us. "Michelle's in the comfort room. She's crying. Please accompany her. She needs someone."
 
"What?! Okay! I'll get going!" Fabienne exclaimed, but before she could go, I grabbed her and whispered something.
 
"Remind her that she did more than enough, okay?"
 
"Okay!"
 
"And that... I love her."
 
Fabienne's smile got really wider when she heard those words from me. "She surely knows that, Ann. She knows that already. But will do."
 
Fabienne quickly walked towards the comfort room, and when she was out of my sight, I went to the entrance of the backstage.
 
The staff was eyeing me with her stressed face, but she didn't say anything; she was just looking. 
 
That's the least of my concerns.

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