Seasons

The Wane

Michelle's POV:

You know the term The wane?
—It is something that refers to a final saga.

Or an end of a season.

It's as if capturing the fading of a season as one season transitions to the next.

The love story I had with Anntonia felt like a wave in a high tide. It keeps coming back and forth, splashing with either intense or calm rage of power, but at the end of the day, it's calmed. Its tides are worth riding along with.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"The babies will miss their Mom," I softly said, referring to the rubber ducks in the bathroom that she was playing with. She even took one rubber duck with her so that she would have a souvenir of Mexico.

The gala event was indeed fun because we were with Sheynnis too. Everyone is hyping us up, and we meet a lot of important people in the industry. However, we requested to leave early and not attend the tea party after the after-party because Anntonia needs to pack her things.

"It's funny how I became a parent of non-living things all of a sudden." Ann chuckled as she joined me on the bed. "Let's take a photo?"

I just nodded and took my phone. I opened the camera and raised it just enough so that we would be seen. When the timer starts counting, Anntonia snaked her arms around my waist and rested her cheeks on mine. My arm found its way to her shoulder, and as the flash started to show, I closed my eyes and let the camera capture the two of us.

I said multiple times that I am feeling homesick for the Philippines, but no type of longing could ever match the sadness I am now feeling just by the fact that Anntonia is going to leave a few hours from now.

"How long do I still have before my flight?"

"Two hours."

She cupped both of my cheeks and leaned forward to give me a kiss. Her hands traveled from my waist to my shoulders. She's smoothly gliding her hands over my shoulders.

I thought it was just a short goodbye kiss, but as seconds passed by, I felt her hunger. She's getting passionate, and it drives me crazy.

My hands were doing action too as it started soothing her entire back as I softly pushed her closer to my body.

We were running out of breath when both of us stopped kissing one another. Her forehead is resting on mine, and I can't help but stare at her gorgeous pink mouth that was still panting. I grinned at the memory we just shared.

"That's... That's your parting gift?"

"You loved it?"

"I treasure it."

"I know something you'll love even more." She paused and left me on my bed. She took something from the little black pouch that was on the couch and gave it to me.

"Can I open it?"

"Sure."

I excitedly opened the box and I was surprised to see a diamond brooch pretty similar to what she wore during the coronation night, and a letter.

"Read the letter when I left. Not now, Dee." She requested. "Dee—"

"I understand, Anntonia. I do. So don't worry too much, hmm?" I cut her off. I know where this conversation is going. Maybe, I know her well enough to see that this might actually happen.

"Dee, I don't want you to..." She stopped. I waited for her to finish what she's saying but it seems like she's running out of words.

"Anntonia, I have no bad feelings if you're rejecting me." I said, but I know I was lying. With a heavy heart, I really saw this coming right at the exact moment she told me about her condition. I sensed it then that she's already considering choosing herself this time.

"Dee... It wasn't the typical kind of rejection. I just... I just don't want you to wait for me. I don't know what's ahead of me, or if there is—"

"You are not going to die, Anntonia. Stop talking like you're leaving permanently." I know that the frustration was already evident in my voice, but I just couldn't help it.

She exhaled deeply and took both of my hands, holding it like she's vowing something to me. "Of course, I'll get better. I told you, right? I am not asking you to stop courting me because I don't want you. Gosh, I do love you. I love you so much, Dee. But I think this is the best for the two of us."

"I totally understand you. You don't want to make me hold on to something when you're not even sure what you can offer to me." I sincerely said. A tear escaped from Anntonia's eye. I feel my heart aching, and it was indeed a trigger as I started getting teary-eyed too. "You, above all else. I was so happy that you're seeing it now, Anntonia."

"If I get better, will you still be there?" She asked. I pulled her for a hug because I know that she's worrying.

"You know that I am not the kind to give up easily. So, the cap is present, the cassette is present, and you can take that as a yes."

"Dee, I'm sorry. I wanted you to have the best of me, but you're always getting the destroyed, messed up, and unhealthy version of me." She laughed, trying to lighten the heartbreaking atmosphere between us.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Anntonia. I told you, I love you so damn much, and I can never be selfish if it's a matter of your life." I said as I tightened my embrace at her. It sinks in that a few hours or minutes from now, she has to leave for her flight to Turkey for her treatment. "As long as I know that we're on the same page, that you love me as much as I love you, I am content."

"Wait for me, Dee. Please? I know it's selfish of me—"

"I would, and you don't have to ask. I would." I stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. "Few years from now, I'll court you again, over and over again if it's necessary." I chuckled.

We stayed like this for the remaining time she has with me. We managed to divert the topic to a lighter conversation, and we shared laughter, banters, and wisdom. It was wholesome for me, that despite the pain I was feeling, she still tries to show me how strong of a woman she is. I know she never wanted us to end up like this either, but this is life. It's unfair. It's painful.

I felt disappointed when I heard a knock at the door. I looked up at the clock on the wall, and it's already 4:50 a.m.

I looked at Anntonia, who was already staring at me. I can feel my heart ripping apart because you can see it in her eyes that she's not ready for this either.

We're not emotionally prepared for this.

"I have to go," Anntonia said, leaving the bed as she stood in front of me. "Adios, Miss Philippines."

I grinned when I realized that she was copying what I commented on one of her photos before. I stood up too. "See you soon."

She stepped closer and pulled my waist to give me one more kiss— a goodbye kiss rather.

"The letter, it was the poem I told you that I wanted to write for you. Read it when I'm gone, alright?"

"Copy, Ma'am. Be safe, okay?"

"I will." She said and started to walk to the door. Every step she takes feels really heavy for me. I was just standing here as I stare at her taking the steps away from me. When she reached the door, she mouthed something before she opened it and left me alone.

That's when I fell on my knees and started crying loudly. I didn't realize I was holding back the tears for so long. When she left the room, her absence was too obvious. I can feel the pain squeezing my heart and it's making me breathless.

But she said I love you, for the nth time.

I don't know why this feels so heavy, but it also feels right at the same time. Maybe because I wanted only the best for her, and I fear the possibility that I'll lose her forever, so this is fine for the meantime.

The only thing that I could do is to pray for her all the time, and if I could only be by her side, I'll be her seasons.

The end.

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