Seasons

If She Was Everything, What Am I, Then?

Anntonia's POV:

I was fortunate to be discharged as early as possible. My national director wanted me to stay longer so that I could regain my energy, but I insisted that I was more than okay. It was 4 a.m. early in the morning, and I still had four more hours to rest and prepare myself for today's activity.

"Here, Anntonia," Fabienne ran towards me and offered me a vitamin drink. We were walking together, trying to greet the the staff passing by in the hotel lobby. "How are you feeling?"

"You've asked that for the hundredth time already, Fab," I teased, making her pout. "I told you, I'm feeling better."

"Anyway, when will your dialysis start?"

"Continue, rather," I corrected Fabienne. I twitched at the thought. I hated going to my hospital appointments before because I always thought that I had already recovered.

"So you've been suffering from this for so long?"

"You can say that."

"Sorry."

"Huh? For what?" I confusedly asked when Fabienne apologized ang lowered her head.

"Nothing. It must be really hard to pursue your Miss Universe journey while having that."

"It is what it is. I just have to go back to Thailand and manage to balance my working schedule and dialysis appointment. Then, everything must be okay."

We reached the hallway going to our rooms. Just the thought that I'll see her there makes my mind foggy. I don't know how I would react in front of her. I even had to practice earlier on how I should act around her so I wouldn't break down.

"Here we are."

I looked at Fabienne, and she was just staring at our door. She probably noticed that I was looking, so she faced me with an emphatic smile.

"Thank you. Thank you a lot, Fab."

"Are you sure you're ready to face Michelle?" Fabienne worriedly asked. I looked away to stop myself from getting emotional. The name itself brings me a painful wave of emotions.

I just nodded. Fabienne sighed and took a step backward to give me some time before I opened the door. I held the doorknob and looked at Fab, who has her eyes filled with so much emotion. She nodded and waved her hand before she walked away.

I was about to twist the knob, but the door opened. I hitched my breath when I saw her standing in front of me.

"Anntonia."

I parted my lips and looked down to avoid meeting her gaze. I suddenly felt small and powerless; I can't decide on what's the best thing to do.

I decided to open the door wider and ignore her. I entered the room and rushed to my bed. I sat down, my back facing her. I removed my shoes and chugged the vitamin drink that Fab gave me to keep me distracted.

"What's wrong, Ann?"

I mentally scoffed upon hearing that. I may be wrong for giving her the silent treatment, but I really can't just confront her.

I stood up from my bed and opened my closet to look for my pajamas. I was planning to have a nap instead of consuming my energy by letting these thoughts occupy my sanity.

"Are you going to ignore me and not address what we have to talk about?"

I aggressively slammed my luggage on the floor and turned to face Michelle. She was looking at me with the same intensity.

The conversation I heard last night came like a flashbulb in my memory. I can still hear them very accurately.

I walked towards her, my eyes piercing on her as all I could feel was anger and betrayal. I pushed her, causing her to fall on her bed. I clenched my fist, and just at that moment, I realized that I was acting differently.

I grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled her for a kiss. I closed my eyes to savor the moment, and neither of us was moving. I can't almost feel that it was a kiss, but the thought that her lips were on mine makes me somehow content— it's as if a testament that we're still okay.

I detached myself from her and released my grip on her shirt. I stepped backward and left her there. I know she might be confused and startled, by I chose to say nothing.

"Baby..."

"Michelle." I quickly said to stop her. "I have a name."

I heard her sigh. I know she knows why I am acting like this. It's up to her if she will explain the whole situation with me or hide it.

"Rhian and I are best friends. You know that."

I just remained silent. I didn't know she knows that it was the specific issue, but I expected her to be aware.

"... and I love her." I stopped doing what I was doing when I heard those words from her. I felt an impactful pang in my chest, and I was having a hard time to breathe. I don't understand what it was. Was it a confession? A slap of truth?

I felt shivers over my whole body when her arms were wrapped around me, hugging me from behind. "It's not the love you think, or you're worrying about. It's the kind of love I have for a platonic friend, and it's always special. I wouldn't sugarcoat it anymore. I have to be honest with you that I do love Rhian, and I can't take that love away from me." Michelle paused and walked in front of me as she cupped my cheeks so that she could see me. "But Anntonia, you know what I feel for you. Before we came here in Mexico, you knew that it's you that I chose. It's you that I love. I can't afford to see you hurting because of me, and I expected that last night would happen. So I thought of clarifying everything to Rhian, before I proceed on being the Dee you love and trust."

I was trying not to cry harder and focus on Michelle's explanation, but my tears started falling. She was looking at me with so much love and tenderness. I felt vulnerable in her stare.

"If you're worrying about the possibility that I haven't moved on from Rhian," She paused, taking the Yankee's cap from the table and carefully placed it on the top of my head. "Here's an assurance. There are initials embroidered in it. You can take a peek if you want." She sweetly said.

I took off the cap and flipped it to check if there actually were. I saw stitched letters on the sweatband part of the cap.

'D x A 🔗'

"Rhian means a lot to me," she paused. "With you, I feel like I am always incapable of putting what I truly feel into words. I can only tell you that I love you... so much that it makes my heart so full."

"..."

"Thus, if she was everything," Michelle said, emphasizing the word 'was,' like she's telling me that it just used to be like that. "Then, you are my ultimate, Anntonia."

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A/N:
Short update bago aq mamatai sa research 😔