Seasons

Untold - Revealed

Anntonia's POV:

"You're awake."

I opened my eyes wider to familiarize myself with the place. There are eye-irritating lights, and everything in this room is white. I tried to move my head to look at the person who just talked—my national director.

"Mae Pui..."

"Don't force it, Anntonia," she said, trying to sound serious, but I saw the intense concern in her eyes. Her lips are also quivering, like she's prone to breaking down any moment now.

"I'm sorry." I sincerely said. I feel really guilty. She never once failed to remind me that I must take extra care of my health and body, yet I brought her with me in this situation.

"You're apologizing, Anntonia? How many times do we have to remind you that it is not just bursitis anymore? You're diagnosed with a severe case already! You know that 30% of your muscles are already dead! How many times do I have to tell you the things you must avoid? What am I gonna do if something worse happened to you? Anntonia, I will forever loathe myself."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it got worse..."

"It's rhabdomyolysis, Anntonia. Of course, it's worse."

"I'm sorry, Mae Pui. I didn't mean to make you worry."

"The doctor said that some toxic components of your muscle fibers are more likely to enter your kidneys. You're too young for this, Anntonia. Please listen to me."

"I didn't want to have this." I weakly confessed. By the looks of Mae Pui, she looks like she's wanting to tell more but chooses not to.

I can only conclude that she's about to blame herself and inform my mother.

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FLASHBACK:
(Two weeks after that Boracay vacation in 2019)

"Ma'am, your daughter is showing signs of a muscle disease. It's not bursitis that triggers her muscle pains," the doctor said right after taking a seat at her table.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I don't understand. We just came here last Thursday, and the only thing you told my daughter to do is to continue taking supplements." My mother answered. I held her right hand to calm her down because I sense that her breathing is the same way she does if she's angry.

"But the results just came in, Ma'am. And through the answers of your daughter to our questions earlier plus some additional tests, we confirmed that your daughter is diagnosed with mild rhabdomyolysis. Your daughter's muscles were tender and sore, and her pee was tea-colored." The doctor paused and pointed to the results in the folder one by one to explain to us. "Are you taking any other tablets aside from what I recited to you?"

I cleared my throat upon hearing that question. I have no plans to reveal it right in front of my Mom what I was going through.

"Miss Porsild?"

But I don't think I have a choice. If I want this physical pain to stop, I must cooperate.

"I... I take, uhm, antidepressant pills. Almost every single night at 11 p.m. when things go, you know."

After that Boracay vacation, I was genuinely happy. I gained a lot of core memories, but, in times of night when everyone is sleeping peacefully, I can't stop myself from breaking down. I always thought that something was wrong with me and that Max and I are completely messed up. I blame myself for not taking the time I was in the Philippines to talk things out with her.

I feel like a whole mess and a big walking failure.

"What?" My mom asked in disbelief. I fidgeted my hands and tried to contain my emotions so that I wouldn't burst in front of her.