Seasons

How Could You Not See?

Anntonia's POV:

"Are we talking about... am I allowed to say?" Michelle asked. My temper has been tested since earlier because of this woman.

Yes, I managed to act normal around her despite everything that has been bothering me since last night. It was so bothersome that I even had to call my mom at that time.

I was discussing something with her, like hypothetically falling for someone you treat so specially because you are her best friend.

Just hypothetically, if I am making myself clear.

In some sense, I was weighing the chances. Maybe, a crush is possible. Maybe I am attracted to her, I guess her intelligence never fails to make me feel things.

But this woman just can't get the hint.

"Say the name."

"Uhm.. Max?"

I closed my eyes and clinched my jaw. I feel like my head is about to explode from too much annoyance.

"I honestly want to choke you until you are unable to breathe," I said out of a lack of patience to even deal with her cluelessness.

I raised my eyebrow when she acted like she was surprised by what I just said.

"No. Please don't do your kinks on me."

Excuse me.. what?

"What an actual fuck, Michelle Marquez Dee?" I said. Everything she says since earlier frustrates me on the highest level.

"I'm sorry. I was just fooling around." She genuinely said to assure me that she has no plans on having dirty talks with me.

I mean.. No, nevermind.

"It wasn't about Max, for clarification. It was just a hypothetical question."

"Well.."

Her face became serious. She paused for a few seconds to probably generate her thoughts before opening her mouth.

"Well, I think there's nothing wrong with falling for your best friend. I mean, all the laughs, the tears, the side-eyes, the shared humor could be perceived differently and mean something. That bond could possibly push us to the edge of the cliff, and we might end up falling for that person. Well, a hypothetical conclusion for your hypothetical question— people always question if it's actually fine to fall in love with their best friend when they clearly should never assume that it must not happen. No one refrains them from doing so. They are just victims of 'what ifs.' We are convinced that romantic love ruins friendships, but what actually ruins that is our lack of ability to make things work. Whether lovers or friends, romantic or platonic, one-sided or reciprocated, I think it will be just right to have an understanding that no matter what happens, fate wanted it to happen in that way."

"We can't always make things work, even if we desperately want to. Can you accept the fact that you'll lose a friend just because you can't hide those growing feelings anymore, and the least you could do is to avoid that person?"

"Why do we always prioritize the least we could do instead of addressing what we feel in the first place?"

"You know that fear is a great boss that is so hard to defeat."

"You fear risking chances and taking opportunities, then you fear losing that friend. You either fear only one or you fear both. It's all just fear. I'd rather fear nothing and accept that I'd probably lost her because she decided not to continue the friendship with me. But then again, we're only looking at the negative possibilities. What if it turns out really good?"

"Like what? Your feelings being reciprocated?"

"Might be. Or it is possible that the friendship will be kept. I mean, the changes would be really obvious, of course. But it'll pass through the help of your own mental control. Or, lastly, you might gain a chance, like, for example, that person may not be romantically interested in you..." She paused. "But they're open to the idea of letting you stay and prove yourself. So you end up proving that you're worthy of their love, and you gain it in the process. Isn't it more satisfying?"

"You'll meet a break-up in the end, though. That's extra heartbreaking."

"Hypothetically, Antonia, live in the moment." She stressed out, trying to prove her point in this statement a little extra than the other points she just stated.

"Hypothetically too, I was just curious about how you would deal with that if you were in those shoes." I fought back.

"I refuse to think and imagine that scenario. Break-ups, for me, are not always the end. We can try and try to make up unless we both agree that what is done is done. I would respect my partner's choice, but I'd like it to be the decision of the two of us."

"For what reason? It's nonsense."

"It matters. It's the two of us in this relationship. It's the two of us when we started. It must be the two of us if we are ending it."

I became silent upon hearing that. I know that the two of us make sense, but what she just said speaks volumes. It takes two to tango.

"Wow. Thank you for training me in my Q&A," I jokingly said to her, and she just laughed at it.

"Mind telling me what's up? Was it really just hypothetical?"

Goodness gracious.

My legs started to shake, and I felt like all the chills had suddenly entered my whole body. I can't even look at her because I feel like I'm in a hot seat.

"Ah, yeah. Just curious. I saw this discussion on X."

"Well, I shared my sentiments with you. Glad to hear your side too."

"Why? Are you in love with your best friend?" I bluntly asked.

I noticed how her shoulder got tensed. Her face was still blank, but her upper body's gesture was too obvious. I can feel the panic.

It was like a hard slap of truth, knowing damn well that I know who she thinks of.

"Nothing." She said, almost whispering.

"Really? Your soul screams her name, and I can almost hear it from here."

"Then, who?"

"Rhian."

Her small smile suddenly disappeared. I tried to read her expression, but I got nothing. Her eyes were difficult to comprehend, too. However, I saw a variety of emotions crossing her eyes before they even landed on me.

"She.. She is just my best friend."

"Exactly."

"She has a fiancé, Anntonia."

Fuck.

I surely heard her voice crack. I am so insensitive.

"I.. I know. I am sorry, Dee."

"It's fin--"

"No. I joked about it when I was supposed to be the one to understand and be sensitive about it because I had the same experience, but..."

"Silly," Her smile went back, and her eyes looked at me genuinely again. "I really don't mind. I was just surprised with the sudden mention of Riri, but it's okay."

"I feel guilty."

She went beside me and reached for my head to ruffle my hair. I worked on my hairstyle for about an hour, but I don't mind it getting a bit messed up by Michelle.

"I know because you're such a softie. So let me assure you that I do not make a big deal out of it. It happens."

"Aren't you quite mad?"

"I could never be mad at you naman. So we're good." She softly responded. It brought me a couple of emotions that I had to endure inside me without making it too obvious that I was a bit affected.

Great. Making my internal battle a little more difficult to deal with.

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