Seasons

Safe and Sound

Anntonia's POV:

I stared at her face that is now projecting a shocked expression right when she saw me standing in front of her room. At first, she's raising her eyebrows at me as if she’s so ready to banter with me as usual, but when I uttered her surname, her mood shifted. As if she knows that something's up with me.
 
She pulled my wrist and stepped backwards to pull me with her, and she slightly kicked the door to close it. 

"What.." Her hand slowly went up to my cheeks to see how tired my eyes looked. I was just staring back, trying to find validation and assurance from her.

She's holding me like I am such a fine glass that can be broken with one wrong move. She's staring at me like she's out of words. She's showing me that she feels my pain.
 
I stepped closer to close the distance between us and embraced her tightly. It was tighter than the other hugs we used to share even when I was so lost just the same.
 
Right. It's her again.

When everyone complimented me for slaying the MUBA shoot, there she is, witnessing how messed up I actually am behind closed doors.
 
She always sees me at my worst. 

She made our hug tighter when she lifted me as she brought me to the bathroom. She made me sit at the countertop and slightly touched my right leg to put a bit of distance between us. So I instantly thought that I should withdraw from our embrace, but she pulled my wrist and guided my arms to wrap around her neck.
 
I was just intently looking at her, quite recovered from crying a little.
 
This woman right here smiled at me dearly. There, I realized that she had actually washed off her make-up already. She had a busy day too, as far as I heard from the other delegates that were part of her group too.
 
I was left speechless when she started wiping off my make-up. She's carefully removing it with all her focus centered on my face.
 
I took that second to observe how fine she was. Her chinita features really make her adorable. Her face is so tiny, and it's like her bones are perfectly shaped. 

"I don't know why I'm wiping your make-up off rather than asking what happened." She paused, threw the used wipe away, and let her hands fall on my waist. "But wiping it off looks like I'm also wiping your tears away. That's the only thing that came to mind when I saw you standing there."
 
My hands were shivering. This moment right here feels very intense. It makes me weak, like it was just right that she made me sit on the countertop because I don't think I'd be able to stand.

"I have nothing to say, Dee." I weakly confessed. She just laughed at it, went closer to me, and pulled me for a hug.

"Then don't say anything. Just let me feel you so that I can try to understand."
 
My heart was racing madly, and our bodies were clashing. I know that she could feel it. There's no way that she couldn't.
 
We remained silent as we hugged my pain away. The heartbeats are too loud. The embrace feels like it would last forever. This contact is so comforting.
 
"I hate to see you like this..." I heard her whisper. Her hands traveled on my back, slowly soothing it to calm me. "I would prefer the mean Anntonia, whose eyes are full of faked anger.

"I do not even wish to be like this. Do you think I love being so vulnerable, and it's always you who sees that?"
 
"Should I close my eyes then?" She said. I slightly pushed her away and hit her arm, but she seemed not to be affected, as she even threw her head back, laughing.

"Closing your mouth is a better option." I rolled my eyes and turned to see my reflection in the mirror. I stared at myself to see how swollen my eyes looked, but luckily, it wasn't too obvious. Just when I was checking myself, I looked at Michelle through the mirror, and I saw her staring at me while she had her arms crossed. When she noticed that I had my eyes on her, she did this silly dance where her hands were doing a peace sign and her upper body was pushing in and out. Her fine set of teeth were showing as she adds that expression to her dance.

I chuckled at the sight and playfully kicked her leg, but when she was about to step backward to avoid that, I got down from the countertop and threw my body at her once again, hugging her lazily while my face was buried in her chest.
 
She automatically wrapped her hands around me and I feel like I am wanted. She's a great hugger. She makes you feel like you're invading her space, and you're special enough because she was letting you.
 
"Let's sleep." She said, and tried to walk while still hugging me so I was walking backwards.

"Here in your room?" I mumbled.
 
"Yes, since you're here."
 
"For real?" I looked up at her and she met my stare and nodded.
 
"Just don't be too clingy." 

I decided to detach myself for real this time and jumped on her bed. "As if."
 
"You might smell like me." 

"I already do." I answered, sniffing the collar of my sleeve. "Geez, don't like your scent."

"You know what, Anntonia? I think your lifespan will be longer if you quit saying things when you actually mean the exact opposite."
 
"Anntonia's telling the truth."

"Your truth is betraying you. You were sniffing me."
 
"I was crying."
 
"Too lame reasons, Porsild."

I threw a pillow at her that she was quick to catch. She just smiled non-stop and took the space beside me.

"Take your sleep na. We'll save our normal banter for some other time."
 
I nodded. 
 
But there was something in me that hesitated to close my eyes and sleep peacefully.

"I'll be here naman. Not going anywhere. You'll be safe." She assured.

"What are you? A guard? How effective do you make people safe?"
 
"Super safe."
"In a way that one who shall be protected will also feel safe from her own phase of self-destruction that haunts her."
 
"I know. That's true. Proven and tested." I said, genuinely smiling at her.
 
"That's a great review, Ma'am." She paused for a while to turn off the bedside lamp and lay at the bed comfortably.

I exhaled and stared somewhere before I look at Michelle's face who's already had her eyes closed.

I wish to wake up with the same view as this. In that way, I would be reminded that the world might be expecting too much from me, but I have someone who is willing to share her toughness just so I could go on.

Everything feels lighter with you, Dee.