Seasons

Know What You Want

Anntonia's POV:

The moment we got back to the hotel, I immediately went to our room to rest. It feels so exhausting, tiring, draining, energy-consuming—whatever it is, name it. I feel all of them.

I didn't even have the energy to join the shuttle that was serving champagne as celebratory toasts, because why would I drink when my whole being is at its deepest point of exhaustion?

Also, I seriously expect my notifications to blow up. Of course, people will come at us with their comments, praises, and criticisms after our preliminary show, and I expect that, but I really don't want to see any of them.

I was here in my bed, curling my body to embrace my legs because the cold is just too much for my body to accept. I already wore three layers of clothing, and I can still feel that I am freezing.

The night just makes me feel like I am actually alone. Before the show started, I received messages congratulating me for achieving the 1.2 million followers milestone.

That number of followers does not overwhelm me at this point. I do appreciate them for giving their time to wait for updates about me and to follow my daily activities. But yet, it just makes me wonder... All of these people who know that I exist, but only a few try to extend their support for me, genuinely.

Oh, well, the industry works that way. They were praising you when you were at the peak, but you'll be eventually forgotten.

I sighed, looking at the opened window where I can see the city lights in El Salvador. It just adds to my deep solitude.

Why am I even acting like a sad girl here? Am I really that exhausted?

I took my phone from my pocket and dialed a number. I really guess that out of the Thai representatives sent here to Miss Universe, she would understand me the most.

"Hello... Who is this? Oh, Anntonia! I'm sorry. I just woke up," Khun Amanda said over the line, her voice obviously proving that she had just risen from sleeping.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Anntonia, I literally told you that you can always call me or Anchilee if you need someone to talk to."

"Well, seems like that time has come," I responded, laughing at myself even though there's nothing funny, and if there is, it's only my situation.

"It is. Is this about the preliminary?"

"Yeah.. Did you guys watch it?"

"Totally! You were so amazing. Channeling the Anntonia the great." There's excitement in her voice, and it made me breathe freely now that, at least, there's someone who thinks I did enough.

"Happy to hear that."

"We actually made a reaction video. It was a bit chaotic and noisy, though. Still, if you allow me to send it to you, I'd be glad to do so."

"Yes, please. I think I need that kind of inspiration."

"For real. Being there is an honor, but it'll destroy your mental health if you go there not being mentally prepared."

"How was it, Khun Amanda? Having the Thailand sash across your chest."

"I'll ask that back to you. You had it twice, the Supra and the Universe. How was it?"

"They're on completely different levels..."

"Exactly. Despite both representing the same country, we went in different years. It's also a different level." She paused, "But it's always hard. The previous queens have proven enough in the industry. So our people expect a lot from us to keep the legacy alive... and-- Oh! I'm sorry, Anntonia. My father was calling me."

"It's okay! I was about to tell you that we should end this call because I am getting drained again. I'm kidding."

"Argh, I'm so annoyed with you!" Amanda exclaimed jokingly. "Fine, I'll get going. You did well, okay?"

She said and ended the call.

I love my friends. They don't feel bad when I tell them that I am getting tired, and I want them to leave me alone. They understand because they are so used to it.

But... I was just staring at my phone. It's like someone is whispering to me to do something that I shouldn't.

I shouldn't because I was reminded by what Miss Laos said earlier. I am trying to, at least, limit myself from demanding too much of her attention because I didn't know that I was being too obvious. Let's not let that happen.

I held my arm when a hint of pain started to kick in again. When will this even end? It's getting too hard to endure as days go by.

Damn it. Call me needy if that's what you think, but I seriously need her.

@porxild
Can you please come over?

I hit the 'send' button and started tapping my arm on the pillow beside me. I know this doesn't help my situation, but it's my usual way of coping. It makes me believe that hitting it on something will lessen the pain.

@michelledee
Already running.

I stared at my lock screen and just looked at her reply that was popped up on the screen. It's evoking a range of emotions that I can't easily pinpoint and explain.

But... let's not make things unnecessarily complicated when there's something we can do about it.

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A/N:
Very short update kasi napagod talaga ako doon sa previous chapter. May part 2 'to. Promise 🤞