Something in the Orange

Chapter Twenty

Authors Notes: Two Chapters in a week? what is going on! Okay, this is a really short chapter, its like 1k. I wrote it in a fever pitch this afternoon and I've not even edited it but I so badly wanted to share it. Please let me know what you think.

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"I wish I didn't, but I do, Remember every moment on the nights with you"
I Remember Everything - Zach Bryan feat Kacey Musgraves

Tomorrow was racing towards her like an out of control trainwreck. All Vee wanted was the ability to slow down time, to redirect her course of action, but here she was, all of her poor choices and decisions that lead to this very moment laid out on the table in the center of the room.

Pacing back and forth, Vee picks at her nails, her mind racing a million miles an hour, tomorrow she would take her plan to the sicarios and the captains, a plan for how she wanted the Cartel to work moving forward.

The sting in the thumb from the endless picking is barely noticeable anymore, 17 steps from her bedroom door to the front door, back and forth, her mind whirls and the skin on her thumb starts to peel back further with every pick of the nail. Her fathers voice reminds her of what a failure she is, filtering through with each step.

She's so distracted by her self doubt and nerves, she misses when Nestor enters the room, she misses him sliding onto the bar stool, she misses the heat of his eyes on her, the way he watches her pace. She misses the concern in his eyes.

The moment she passes him for the second time, his arm reaches for hers, pulling her to stop. The spark of electricity dancing across her skin from the lightest of touches pulls her out of the chaos in her brain.

Her eyes darted between his face and the way his fingers gently held her arm, waiting to see the signs of anger, but when she saw a softness in his stormy eyes, relief hit her square in the chest, her knees almost buckling.

"Let's go" he murmurs, pushing himself of the stool, and gently leads her across the room, he waits as she slips her sneakers on and they make their way out of her apartment, no words shared between them he guides her outside, her mind in a daze as they climb into the car.

The panic clawing at her insides, consuming her. She's vaguely aware of Nestor's soft voice coaching her through her breathing, his hand encasing hers, stopping her from picking at her nails, the warmth seeping through to her bones, warming her, closing her eyes she tries to push the voices of doubt down, she lets the soothing sound of Nestor's voice and the warmth of his hand try to calm her as she focuses on her breathing.

Slowly the car comes to a stop and her panic starts to loosen in her chest as her eyes open, nothing but darkness and sand spread out for miles in front of her, her breath hitches as Nestor opens her door, holding his hand out. She smiles softly as she slips her small hand into his, stepping out of the car Nestor leads her to the hood, a blanket spread across it. Tears spring to her eyes, threatening to spill over, she bites her lip as Nestor's fingers grip her hips, lifting her up. Her skin alight as his calloused fingers grip her soft skin, she slides onto the hood, cold flooding her body at the loss of contact from his skin.

She watches as he walks around the front of the car, pushing himself up next her, without a word they both lay back, side by side. She watches out of the corner of her eye, she is barely a breath away from him, her fingers flexing as desperation to reach out and touch him fills her. Sighing she turns away, her eyes drifting to the endless expansion of stars above her.

Memories start to flick across her mind, like a movie reel. The same spot, with the same boy, only she was wrapped in his arms, his hands rubbing soothing patterns across her back, his lips brushing against her temple as his strong voice filled her ears, reminding her she was strong, she was better than the voices, she was better than the panic. What she wouldn't give to go back and tell eighteen year old Vee how she survives.

And as she watches the earth spin, the sky lit with a galaxy of stars, and the softest moonlight filtering across her skin, she comes back, her mind eases, the monster is put back in the box and with a sigh she breathes in the cool desert air, her heart slows. The softness of the cool desert air is mixed with something deeper, something warm and spicy, her mind drifting as she tries to place the smell. Her head lolls to the side as she takes him in, his eyes closed.

For the first time in months she can't see the bruises on his face, his lip healed and for the first time in a long time, he looks relaxed. She had taken no mind to him earlier when she was lost in her mind, but now she takes him in. His braids removed, his wild curls tucked under his head, with a stray few flying across his face. The softness of the boy she fell in love with, wrapped around the man in front of her.

Her body acting against her mind as her hand slides across the gap, her pinky wrapping around his, a ghost of a touch. She bites her lip, waiting for him to pull away, but for the second time that night, he surprises her, his finger tightens around her, like he's scared she will pull away. Her shoulders drop as she relaxes, her eyes never leaving his face.

And in that moment it hits her, the scent in the air mixing the desert, its home. Nestor's cologne mixed with the air was home. He was her home. A single tear slides down her face as tries to ignore the new realization growing inside of her.

"I can't believe you remembered" her voice soft but firm, firmer than she felt as she tips her head towards him, gratitude spilling through her touch "thank you."

These moments were one of the few memories she still allowed herself to indulge in. Nestor would bring her here when her panic attacks were at their absolute worst. Neither of them knew why it worked, but somehow the stars and the sand subdued her. But at this moment she was beginning to feel like it had less to do with the desert air and more to do with the man beside her.

"I remember everything Vee" his voice drifts across the breeze as she turns her head back towards the night sky.

And as slowly as the stars drift across the sky, Nestor's hand slides into hers, finger by finger as they lay there, holding on for what's to come.