Zanokuhle

Chapter 24

ZANOKUHLE

Chapter 24

It has been just  a few days now since I have been visiting Nkosana in Johannesburg and in just 2 days I will be leaving going back to Cape town. I am not ready to leave Nkosana here but also I am not ready to start my new journey of going to school. Well we will see but part of me is really not ready for anything. 
I went to the doctor the same day I was vomiting and Nkosana asked him to do some tests on me, a pregnancy test. I do not think I am pregnant, shouldn't I have a big stomach if I am pregnant and also I did go to the doctor to take that injection so that I do not have a baby yet and well the results that came after the tests were inconclusive. Even the blood test results. He boiled it down to my contraceptives that I might be getting sick from them and should lay off the injection and not get another shot and see how I would be in the next couple of weeks to a month since I am about to finish a month with the shot that I got. 
It was agreed plus I will not be having sex since Nkosana will be far from me, I am worried about leaving. I am really worried and I don't know if I should be or not. 
Maybe it's the reality of things happening that has me worried like this. 
Nkosana is at work while I am with Nomvula and Nomvelo. Happy is away in Cape town with her husband to prepare their child for school since they have opened for him now and for me they will open next week. They are just settling him in before they leave and come back. Nomvelo is not that busy today. She did take me to get boutique and it is so beautiful. She makes beautiful clothes too, I love them so much. It inspired me, I do one day dream of myself being in my own restaurant and having to cook and serve people everyday. That would be very nice, I like the idea of it but I know it wouldn't happen so I will just keep on dreaming of it.
“How are you feeling now Zano?”,Nomvula asks.
I am feeling well, the flue is better. So much better than it was when I came here.
“I am better”
“That's good, are you nervous about going to school?”,Nomvelo asks.
I nod my head and sigh. Yes, I am nervous.
“I don't want to be bullied in school”
“Ignore anyone who bullies you, better yet hit them if they talk rubbish to you okay?”,Nomvula says and I nod my head.
“Hayi Nomvula, don't listen to her. Just ignore them when they bully you. It means you are doing good and they are trying to bring you down”,Nomvelo says.
“I will bite them”,I say with a slight frown.
“Yes my girl!”,Nomvula says and she laughs.
“Haibo Zanokuhle don't do that.”,Nomvelo mentions with concern laced in her voice.
“Chill Nomvelo, Zano won't do it. We are just joking”,she relaxes a bit.
I am not joking, it seemed to have worked for Nomvula before so surely it will work for me. I just hope that my teeth can bite people properly if they start with me.  I don't want to be crying everyday coming back home because people don't like me. If I don't like them too, I will just bite them.
“Let me order a drink for you nana”,I nod my head.
We haven't ordered. Just unpacked here and there about our lives before we could even order yet and know what we want to order. I want some meat, lots of it and juice as well. It should be well done and juicy as well. That's what my pallet needs at the moment.
“What would you have for food Zano?”
“Some ribs and tangy wings”,I say and look at these look alikes that are not alike at the same time in front of me.
“I think I will have the same as your order Zano”,Nomvula says and I wait for them to make a decision about what they will have.
Nomvelo orders what she wants when the waiter comes and Nomvula orders for the both of us since we will have the same thing to eat. 
We finish ordering and they chat a bit more and I input here and there until our drinks arrive and I take a sip off my juice before carrying on with the conversation at hand. I will miss my two look alike friends unlike the twins back where I am going who will scare me.  These ones do not. They are better, maybe it is because they are older too and less scary as well.

HAPPY

It is a heart wrenching decision that we had to make, especially for myself but my little boy promised me that he will be fine and that he is now a big boy though he hasn't reached his teens yet but he seemed very excited to be a boarding student. Most probably because Nomvelo and her husband decided to move their boys over to this side just so they could be together. What eases my worries also is the fact that they will not be completely all alone in the city but the Mthimkhulu's are close by and will be ready to attend to them if anything is to happen if we are not to get there on time. 
I hail all the way from Durban, born and bred in kzn. 18 years of my life I have lived there up until I secured myself a space in Stellenbosch and I had to move to the Western Cape.  Excitement to far from family and living the little dream life I had invisioned myself. Capetown being the teen beach vibes, like an American dream but in South Africa. I had always loved being in the Western Cape and wished to be here so I worked hard to get here and I did. I thought at some point I would find myself a white boyfriend and we would get married and I would be Mrs Van Der Merwe or something along those lines. Did I get a white boyfriend? Ofcause I did.  Rubbing shoulders with other races gained me access to a multiracial relationship with a UCT student and boy was the relationship cute and sweet until I met my husband. The Van de Merwe dream was instantly a thing of the past. 
My smart husband, a geek at most but still a man who possess aura that deems him to be respected without him spewing a word your way. He was just done with doing his master's in Applied mathematics and statistics, hungry for his PhD of which till date has not yet finished and I do not think he will but he loves studying mathematics. Trust me he is good in it, we met at the beach. Out with my then Mr Van de Merwe and friends having a jolly good time is the day I met Jabulani Hadebe and might I add, his best friend Bhungane Mthimkhulu also known as Nkosana and Thulani Mzimela too.
They were with some of their other friends too and some of their cousins and others. Most of them were Varsity friends who were working in co-operate companies doing their 9-5 everyday from Monday to Friday with meetings here and there trying to earn their way to being seniors in their field of work.
Bhungane and Jabulani were known as the Mathematicians. Good with numbers, Bhungane's speciality being Finance. Though I met them in their established positions but I am glad that I got to experience the growth my husband has had with him.
I on the other hand was doing what I had my heart's desire for and that was being a food scientist. 
I loved food, I think that is what made me take a hasty decision of choosing to apply for that course everywhere it was offered without thinking of how challenging it might have been for me but I found out for sure. 
We were just playing with a freesbie on the beach, I in my red bikini as my expired braids that needed saving were now cut in half into a bob that later after my exams I was going to take care off. I had my ex boyfriends sun glasses over my head acting as a headband to pull my hair back just so it doesn't get all over my face.
The freesbie made it's way to them and I was the one apologising for their disturbance. I was scared, I uttered a low“I am so sorry”,To mention and an“Kulungile ntombenhle(it's okay)”,Followed from my now husband while the others kept quiet. 
I thought for a moment they wanted to skin me alive. He took the item from his feet turning away from his people who some were doing a braai and the eyes of other ladies staring at me and probably wondering why I haven't covered myself yet when it was hot. 
He gave it to me holding in his gaze and then extended his hand there after for me. 
I didn't know what to do that moment but hesitantly I stretched mine and he took it and stared straight into my eyes.  
“Ufanelwe ukuba umfazi wami uyazi?(You are suited to be my wife you know that?)”,I didn't know how to answer that as he still had his gaze on me. I pulled my hand away from him and rushed off when my boyfriend called me. 
My heart was left beating fast and I didn't even want to look back that that beautiful man who was fully invading my mind that moment. 
He came by when we were leaving and he told me I left something much to my friends watching the interaction. I was agitated and I didn't want my boyfriend to be offended but he handed something to me then he said his goodbyes in isiZulu leaving me with my boyfriend asking what he said and I lied. I lied because he recited how much he loves me and called me beautiful.
It baffled me how can a man say they love you when they had just met you. 
But did that trick work? Yes, I am his wife now. Mrs Hadebe and gone being Mrs Van de Merwe.
.
I watch the boys scurry their way towards us as we are standing waiting for them. My little boy Njabulo rushes his way while the other three that look nothing much like Nomvula or Nomvelo but more like Thulani and his other brothers are behind him.  
“Mama, you said you are leaving nje”,He complains. 
It's hard to leave. School have opened yes and they had already settled in but it is still hard for me to leave.
“I want to hug you guys for the last time”
“We missed you too aunty”,One of the triplets rushes to me and hugs me. 
They are sensitive at time. Well they all look alike so I don't remember which one Nomvelo mentioned is the most sensitive one while his brothers are the tough rocks in the group. 
I brush his back while these three boys watch.
I can't let go of my babies yet. My husband had to move our flight yesterday to tomorrow even because I am not ready to leave.
“I will visit you guys okay?”
“Yes aunty”,They say.
I hug them all and give them a kiss, much to the big boys reputation being ruined but I do not care.
“Okay dad take your wife away now”,My little boy doesn't need me anymore. 
Soon we leave and we are outside. My husband yet again comforting me the same way he did for the past few days.
“Everything will be okay”
“This is the first time being away from him”,I say as he trails his fingers over my back.
I remember when I was pregnant. In my final year of university. I had already applied to do my honours and I was stuck between two options. Back home or here and I knew I couldn't leave this place. I mean I built a life here.
He was an unexpected thing to happen.  A way to say that I cheated on my snow white with this man. He asked me out on dinner, I agreed after him perstering me and though to just get him off my back I should just go once and block him after. That didn't happen, I was laughing,charmed and blushing the whole time, felt like my heart was ignited with something that I had never felt before. A Zulu man in front of me all the way from Durban too for that matter. Durban is too small, KZN as a whole for me but Durban the most is sml for me, I never once dated there and I told myself I would never do that unless it's another race. Our fellow Zulu brothers were not ones to go for in my defence plus that time Jabulani and his best friend were GTI drivers, that sent a huge alarm in my heard. The biggest red flag waved there and I knew what Gevaar was that moment. Being a Zulu Volkswagen driver was alot to turn me off and not want his attention and suddenly burning love after seeing me once. His check ups iriitated me even when he would call I would want the call to end. As much as he was staying here in Cape town but the fact that he possessed all that he had put my expectations very low. I expected him to show up on the date wearing flip flops and skinny jeans. A hidden gold tooth nyana somewhere but there wasn't. He was decent on our dinner and I was impressed when he mentioned that he was working and what he studied. Pulled the bar a bit up though not that high since my ex boyfriend came from a good home, well established too while he came from the slums of Kwamashu. 
He charmed me though that night, few drinks and good company we left together, what I supposed should've been me on my way to my residential area was me going to his apartment and ended up in his sheets moaning his name for dear God. 
I got pregnant then.
I knew who the father was when I found out I was pregnant. My honours degree dreams were shattered that moment. I had to break things off with my then boyfriend. I didn't want to abort, it was not something I would in as much as circumstances were against me in all angles. Love life, potential baby daddy and my family too.
I told him, he was happier than I had expected him to be.  Stayed and made a decision that he wants to send his family to my family. That's how I jumped being his girlfriend to being his baby mama and fiance in a short space of time but I do not regret anything. I just regret the cheating part but all in all I do not regret anything and years later we are still here, much in love with this man still like the first time I fell for him. 
“Why are you looking at me like that?”,he says after a while of him comforting me.
“I love you”,He breaks into a wide smile.
Still he doesn't believe after all these years that I love him. Each time he hears it he smiles like a little boy. 
“I love you so much”
Did I finish my honours?yes I did, he funded it and I got to do it. 
I worked for a few years and then when things started to look up he gave me an option, his idea of me being a stay at home mom and wife or I can carry on working.
I figured my son needs my attention and I wanted to be a hands on wife so I took on being a stay at home wife and that has been the best decision of my life. I enjoy being a Snobbish wife. Reason why I wanted to marry a white man to just be a little trophy to his collection while I spend money.

ZANOKUHLE

I am back at the apartment, I wanted to get my packing started as I do not want to leave anything behind. Nkosana said he will leave with me and go to Cape town and see me off on my first day at school. I think that will help me calm down so here I am packing up for myself and have his suitcase up and ready for packing his things. I don't want us to be late or have us running around like headless chickens. I have cooked too, I haven't been cooking so much lately and it is because we either got take away or Nkosana cooked something for us quickly because I was sick. I am happy now that I am okay and I am not feeling so down a lot. I miss the driver too, I will sure bake some muffins for him when I get back. Nkosana wanted us to be alone with him not here all the time so it's just the both of us.  
I look at the time and Nkosana is just 2 hours away from coming back from work. I am used to sitting alone before when I lived with my aunt but now I just get bored out of my mind when no one is here. 
I go to the living room and sit on the couch and go through my phone looking at Facebook and I go to Instagram and watch as I see some likes on my photos. I see who has followed me and I click on the person's profile and it looks like someone I don't know. I don't go any further through their profile but I just get off and I see I got a message from someone and I open it.
‘Zano, I hope you are good.
I am sorry about that happened between me and you. I wish that you could let me talk to you face to face.
I still want us to be friends, as you have always considered me one. 
PS: your cousin has been asking if I had seen you.
Tusani’
My heart sinks to my stomach.
What does Nomfundo want from me? Does she know I fled with Tusani. I feel my heart beating fast.
I don't want to go back to being locked in that house, I don't want to go back to being scared of my aunt all over again.
I find myself covering my face and crying that very moment.