Thats Life

Chapter One

Life hasn't been bad. It hasn't been great, but it hasn't been bad. I think I have all of you to thank for that."

I always expected more in life, more happiness, more love, more comfort. More support and laughter, more of anything you could ever want or need. Though I suppose everyone expects more in their life. What I didn't expect, was more death, more tears, more leaving, more drugs, more Booze and more heartbreak, more of feeling like you have nothing and no one. Most of all, I never expected to want more than anything, to have nothing. To end it all, and be gone from where I am. Knowing what I know now, I'd give anything to have less.

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The head laying in my lap stirred distracting me from my thoughts and the phone scrolling I was previously doing. Smiling, I looked down at her and ran my hand over her long brown hair when her eyes flutter signaling, she was close to waking up.

The said head in lap belonged to my little sister, Suzie, the most important thing in my life. Even now, as I look at her, I have no idea how something so pure and perfect could have come from such a fucked up and dysfunctional family, but Suzie was exactly that. Perfect. The pink tint on her cheeks from both sleep and laying on my leg made my grin grow bigger across my face. She never changes, this teenager who yesterday was a 6-year-old, always wearing the same innocent look, the same sweet and loving heart.

"Hey bug. I was just going to wake you up, its 10 so you should probably go to bed." I grabbed her shoulder and shook her a little, getting her to fully wake up.

After rubbing her eyes, she squints at me while she sits up. Her eyes dart around the room a bit confused about where she is. It makes me laugh; she's always been such a heavy sleeper.

"Alright. Night Jace," She stands up holding onto my shoulder for support before steading herself, "don't you dare watch anymore of the show without me!" I feel her hand pat my back before she leaves. I glance at the tv and chuckle, I know how she feels about missing her shows, so once I knew she was asleep I turned it off and opted for scrolling on my phone instead. Like I'd ever watch that dumb show against my will on purpose anyway. It was some sort of paranormal show she was into, no doubt because the two main characters aren't bad to look at.

I knew Suzie asked me to watch that show with her to get me out of my room, usually shes doing homework or out with friends. I've been spending a lot of time alone; I've been going through a... thing I guess. But Suzie's been trying keeping me in check, its cute that she thinks I don't know that's what's going on.

My family is always scattered around the house this time of night. My mom – when she chooses to be here - in her chair reading some book that I'm almost positive its erotica, my dad, of course in the bedroom he never leaves, then my two older brothers in the kitchen arguing about some online video game.

Growing up, my mom was the type of person who wasn't going to be done having babies until she had a girl. Tyson, my oldest brother who is 26 is a rough one. He dropped out of high school pretty much before he ever got into it, though it wasn't just because he wanted to drop out, he had his reasons. My second oldest brother, William, just turned 24, he is a normal kid really, goes to school and gets pretty good grades. He takes his school seriously, then comes home to clean or torcher whoever it is he sees first. He has a huge goofy personality, but also the worst anger. Then I guess I am next in line. I'm 21, and I honestly don't know if there is anything special to talk about. I am a closet drug addict, so closeted I won't even admit it to myself. I attend and get good grades at our local community college, one that William pressured me to go to. He thinks that going to school and getting a degree can set your life up for success, so he got me to enroll for some core classes. What am I majoring in? No fucking clue.