Thats Life

Chapter Three

"You know, it's kind of crazy how we used to always be so against spending time together, because now we prefer it. Sucks that mom's enthusiasm ended before Suzie could really enjoy it."

Once William brought us home, I immediately ran to my room, and took whatever pill I grabbed first. Between my booze being switched out for water, and my drug dealer being a fucking pussy I have less than the ideal amount of substance in my body. I can feel my hands start to shake and the tv static sound is slowly starting to turn into the thoughts and voices I hate. If I don't get this under control and fast, I'm going to fall into a full-blown panic attack.

Without thinking, I fall backwards onto my bed, staring at the ceiling questioning everything in life. So many thoughts were running through my head, I don't even know how to stop and make sense of them. School, drugs, family, beliefs, goals, ambitions, friends, home life, fucking everything. Everything is running through my head like buzzing bees, I can't figure out how to grasp myself. I feel myself starting to hyperventilate which kicks in a small amount of panic I've been running from for years. I stayed on my back but glanced over at my stash book. As much as I was thinking maybe I didn't need to take anything else, I've been laying here for the past 30 minutes wondering when the next acceptable time would be to take something, anything.

Fuck it.

The contents of the book rattled as I pulled it out of the shelf and grabbed two and a half Xanax out of it. What? I this time, I'm not at school. I threw them back with some water and kept the book lingering in my hand. I twisted and turned it around looking at all the words, then glanced up to my bookshelf. Sometimes, in brief moments like this, I realize I'm not who I used to be at all. I don't laugh, or read, or smile, or joke.

I used to be the outgoing one, the one who would force all of us siblings to hang out. I told jokes and made fun of Tyson or William for dying in their video games. I'd come into my room and read a whole book while eating an entire box of cereal. Now I do nothing, well, I'd like to do nothing. Not even the thought of a good book pulling me out of this world and putting me into an entirely new body in a new place was tempting enough. I'd like to leave this world and enter blackness, not another world where people have different types of problems.

"Jace...?" A feminine voice called from the hallway.

Shit.

I slammed the book slammed shut while I jumped and turned towards the door. I tried to play it off without seeming suspicious at all. Though, it's a bit hard to play jumping that hard off. "Oh shit, you scared me." I half whispered.

Suzie was leaning against the door frame with a hollow unimpressed look on her face. She looked down at the book in my hand now hung to my side. "Sorry." She stayed leaning against the wall before looking back up to me and moving her long hair out of her face. "Um, will you come watch Supernatural with me?" She asked.

They say karma has a way of coming around and biting you in the ass. Well, this must be a part of my karma. I'm two Xanax in, not to mention my first high of the day which meant in about an hour I would be in full zombie mode. There's no denying that the best part of a nice downer is how it makes you sleep for hours, sometimes days. But its only nice, when you aren't interrupted during it.

I swallowed hard and hesitated a bit too long before answering. Did she see what I did? How long has she been standing there, and why did I leave my door open. I tried to move, to talk to do anything but I stayed standing there, shocked. She saw the book in my hand, glanced down at it I know she did, would she believe that I was reading it?

I could feel my breathing getting heavier and I'm sure the hollow look on her face reflected off mine. She sighed and looked down at her feet before pushing off the door frame and turning to leave without saying a word.