Not Izuku, Not Anymore

Confusion

(there is a fade to black nsfw scene in this chapter.)

Deku stared at his phone, he couldn't love a pro hero. He wouldn't let himself. What he needed to do was spend more time with her so that her flaws, which she had to have, right? Would become more obvious. But what if she didn't have flaws? She was sweet, cute, sunny, gentle, and good at kissing. Deku had really fucked himself, hadn't he? He groaned, burying his face in his hands. Maybe he could get better, for her, he could become a man who deserved her. But then how would Kacchan pay for his sins? With no one there to make him recant. Unfortunately, Ochaco would have to pay his tab, as innocents often did in these types of situations. Deku's feelings for Ochaco were irrelevant, as Ochaco was irrelevant. Her brain was fuzzy, Deku wasn't sure why, he had half a mind to go and ask that tea house what they had done to her tea. Surely the brain fog wasn't truly feeling for him right? Why would she love a skinny plain looking man who was riddled with scars and a doomed personality? A girl like that wanted a guy like Mirio Togata, the last thing a girl like Ochaco Uraraka wanted was a guy like Izuku Midoriya. So he shouldn't have any issue hurting her. She was using him. Still he tasted her, and he wanted her arms to be draped around him so desperately. No. He didn't. He didn't want to snuggle a pro hero, he wanted all of them dead, his entire relationship with Ochaco is to hurt her, to hurt Kacchan. Deku frowned, hugging himself, but the thought of making her cry made him feel something that he hadn't felt in a long time, it made him feel guilty.

He wasn't sure what to do, he wanted to call her, but her friends were at her house, so he really couldn't do anything but think about her. So he thought about her, and it made him even more confused than he had been before. He wanted her, he wanted her more than he had wanted anything in so long. He had forgotten what it was like to want, or to feel anything really. For anything to warm him besides his rage. He wanted it, but he knew that even if she did want him back, he would never get to keep her, he could never have anything nice, if obtained it, it would only be ripped from him again.

************

Ochaco was laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Katsuki was next to her, laying on their backs side by side. He had quit wearing bandages , but she suspected he was supposed to be wearing them, he had just gotten tired of putting them on. His head looked awful, his skull had been fractured, and his arms and ankles had deep cuts too. Deku was scary, so why couldn't she quit thinking about his kisses? She felt weird. Bakugo looked at her and sighed

"What are you thinking about?"

I'm thinking about him "I'm not thinking about anything." She murmured

"Did you keep an eye on the tea? Is there any way he slipped something into it?"

Ochaco frowned, "I don't think so, we went to a shop, and I didn't leave it unattended.."

"I'll go investigate the tea shop in the morning, they might be working with him."
Ochaco nodded, looking at him with a sigh, he looked guilty, which made her feel guilty. Her eyes rested on his as she bit her lip and tried to think of something to say.

"I'm sorry about all of this." he sighed,

"Why do you keep acting like you did something to deserve this?" Ochaco sighed

Bakugo hesitated, but she was too far in this not to know everything. "Deku and I knew each other as kids, and I was terrible to him. He was a ray of sunshine, he followed me around, loved Allmight, he wanted to be number one hero one day! But he didn't get a quirk, and I spent pretty much all of our childhood picking at that insecurity. I told him to kill himself, I even gave him that fucking nickname he goes by now. I tortured him for a decade, and now he wants to torture me."