Not Izuku, Not Anymore

Learning

Deku frowned as he sat next Ochako and held her hand.
"I don't like it."
"I need to do it. I am having his child, we need to have a relationship of some kind."
"He made you cry!" Deku huffed, looking at her sadly, he gently pressed a hand to her belly, "I still think you should let me be their father."

"Deku I-"
"I can be there for them all the time! Every day! I can teach them and love them and put them first! They will never be Kacchan's top priority. Just like you never were."
Deku frowned when he saw her look at her lap. He didn't feel bad for what he said, but he knew he should.

"What do you want? Kacchan is my least favorite person in the world! He's an awful person and the idea of him raising my children makes me sick!"

"Do you think he doesn't feel the same way about you?"
"I'm sure he does." he huffed, "But you're mine now!"

"But before I was yours, I dated him for over a decade!"

"Is that supposed to make me want to let you go have alone time with him?" Deku snapped, glaring at her, he should have just killed Katsuki in his house that day! He was beginning to think he should have killed her when he first kidnapped her. He sighed, looking at her and shaking his head

"What do you want from me?" she whimpered, "I can't change it. Don't have a time machine."

Deku huffed, standing up

"What do you want from me?" she whimpered

"Nothing! I'm just thinking about all of the things I could have done to keep myself from getting here!"

"Like what?"
"Wearing a condom! Leaving you alone after I dropped you off at your apartment that night! Finishing the job and cutting your throat! Or just killing Kacchan when I captured him! I could have done it! I had him in my basement! I could have killed him! I should have! You keep fucking confusing me! I wanted to send him your head but I couldn't fucking make myself and now I get to deal with this shit show! Say good bye to everyone who helped me through the hardest part of my life! I'll probably have to kill some of them! I wish I had just killed him! I wish I had just killed you!"

Ochako didn't know what to say, she was terrified, she just started sobbing into her hands.
Now Deku felt bad, "Obviously I'm not going to kill you now! I love you, all I was saying, was, if I had killed you before I loved you, wh-when it was just a crush. But obviously now, I won't let anything happen to you." he frowned when that didn't help his case. " it's a compliment! I'm telling you I love you so much I wish you were dead!"
"What does that fucking mean?"

"You make me weaker, Mochi! You make me so much fucking weaker I had an edge for so long because I didn't care about anyone! I didn't let myself, or at least I could hide it when I did! But a baby? Ocha! I can't just pretend I don't love my baby.. I can't even figure out how to hide how much I love you!"

Ochako looked at him sadly, "So you wish you had decapitated me when we met?"

"It certainly would have made things less complicated." Deku sighed, "Look, I didn't think you would take me saying that so seriously! I-I'm not used to dating, well anyone. I'm used to hooking up with villains, villains think it's hot when I say I want to kill them and how." Deku had really fucked up, hadn't he? Ochako frowned
"I-I think I'm going to go visit Katsuki."

"Please don't!" Deku whimpered "I want to get through this! I love you and I'm sorry! I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I'm scared!

"I'm scared too, Izuku! I-I'm not threatening to kill you in weirdly specific ways!"

"I'm not threatening to kill you! I'm saying how I planned to do it before I fell in love with you! I would never do it now!"
"What a relief!" Ochako whimpered
Deku hugged her close as she kissed the top of her head "I love you, and I am worried about you and-and I am trying to communicate that. I'm sorry I'm doing such a bad job at it, okay? Please. Please don't leave. I've been alone since I was fourteen.. I'm learning. Please don't leave."
Ochako looked at him sadly, resting against his side