𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝑰 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝑵𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 [𝕘𝕚𝕪𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕠] (KNY)

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟣𝟫: 𝒮𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒

Time skip

Author POV:

A month later, Giyu was able to return home, his wounds healed. Shinobu had contuined nursing him each day, performing his treatment flawlessly, and slowly the two had begun to become somewhat friends.

So the day Giyu went home was a sad one for them both. He was tempted to invite her to his home but he knew she would take it the wrong way, so he left without a backwards glance. 

A week later when he came back to the Butterfly Mansion for his post check-up, he brought a bunch of wild daises for Shinobu. 

"Sorry I forgot to make an appointment at the florist's, so I just picked what I saw on the street." Giyu said apologetically as he handed the bouquet to her. 

Shinobu POV:

The flowers were fresh and sweet. I was tempted to duck down and inhale them, but I had to remind myself he was a guy and no less the guy I should hate. "Oh. Well.... thanks."

I eyed Tomioka. He had that shy, sweet boyish look about him, his hair short again yet as he ducked his head locks of silky hair still fell in his eyes. He wasn't wearing his haori, presumably because of the weather. He had colour in his cheeks and it was a relief not to see his skin deadly white anymore. Suddenly I felt so much more grateful for his unwavering, perfect aliveness since I saw him the oppisote. He unconsiously put a hand to his chest, where his wound was.

Sick guilt tumbled into my stomach again as I remembered how he'd gotten that wound. 

"You- you really shouldn't have." I led him into the kitchen, forcing my hands to not shake as I placed the flowers into a crystal vase filled with water. 

Tomioka leaned against the marble countertop. "It's the least I could do, after everyone here's done for me-"

The vase shattered on the floor. 

I stared at my empty hands and the mess of glass and soggy flowers on the floor, my eyes unwillingly filling with tears.

"Oh-" Tomioka rushed over and dropped to his knees, gently sweeping up the glass shards with his palms. "Don't move. You could cut your feet."

"I'm sorry- the flowers-"

"Don't worry about it. They were just wild anyway, I'll get some proper ones for you tommorow- or I can pop into the florist right now- hey, are you okay?" He looked up at me suddenly, noticing my tears. 

He stared up at me, his ocean blue eyes murky with worry. Guilt swept me up in tides, because I'd made this innocent, pure, boyish man risk his life for me, and now he was offering to run to the florist to buy flowers for me. As if I'd done nothing wrong. 

"Im sorry." I clapped a hand to my mouth, realising I was sobbing. "I just- I don't know what I'm- it's just..."

He didn't let me finish, immediantly standing up and unexpecetdy wrapping his arms around me. Unable to resist, I buried my face into his shoulder, sobbing. He felt like warmth and safety. Tingles and sparks. He smelled like homecooked ramen and mandarin.

"It's just- I shouldn't have.... I shouldn't have let you do it. You shouldn't have had to protect me. I should be able to protect my own fucking self, I don't know why- why I fucked up-" I sobbed. 

"Shh. It's okay. It's all okay." He soothed, rubbing gentle circles into my back. 

Lifting my face up, just then I realised he was standing on the glass ruins. "Your feet- you'll get hurt-"

Suddenly, he held me suddenly tighter, his face in my shoulder, shaking. "You still don't get it, do you?"

"W-what do you mean?" I was still preciopupped on his bloody feet.

"I would stand on glass to hold you, I would stand in front of death to protect you, I would trade my consiousness for yours, I would keep loving you even if it'll never be mutual." he whispered. "I would love you when you were your worst self, when you're not even yourself. When you're angry and sad and hurt and confused. And I will never, ever stop. Not after I had my first taste of not protecting you, of watching you get hurt because I was a fucking coward."

I blinked. Blinked again. "I- I don't understand..."

"What's to understand?" he murmured. "I love you. I always have. I'll keep doing it, if you'll let me."

For a second, I melted in his arms. But then I thought of what I'd done. What he'd done. 

"We can't." I gently pulled away, forcing him to look at me. Or rather, look down at me. He was much too tall. His eyes were red like mine, and he looked down at me with such a deep sadness I knew he already understood why we couldn't. 

"Why can't we try?" he whispered. "Why are you so afraid? After all, what have we got left to lose?"

"You." I blinked away my tears. "I don't want to lose you when things don't turn out the way you want them to. You know why we can't."

"Tell me anyway."

And I so, so wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him just how much I regretted fighting with him, abandoning him, how he risked himself for me even after I did all that, how I knew deep down I couldn't be worthy of that, how when that day at Final Selection he had failed to protect me, how he only loved me because of his guilt over what happened that day. 

But I couldn't. Because he's not the fucking coward, I am.

"J-just think of what Sanemi and Iguro will think." I fed him a lie I didn't believe in, didn't care about. "What my family will think? They see you as the selfish boy who abandoned me." I fought the urge to scream. It was hurtful, it was horrible to say, that disguisting lie, and I saw how it effected him as soon as those toxic words came out of my mouth. Like he'd been slapped. 

Tomioka took a step back. Let go of me. A sudden, eerie blankness washed over his face. "I understand."

"No-wait-" I reached out to him. 

"Forget it, Shinobu." He looked away, running a feverish hand through his hair. "I understand now. Whatever I do- whatever I can do in the future, whatever I want to do- will never be enough for what I've already done to you. I- I see now."

"I don't-"

But by then he was already gone. 

I stood there, surrounded by shattered glass and wilted daisies. Surrounded by not just broken glass but broken love. And I suddenly thought of his feet, red with his blood from the dashed crystal. 

Yet again, his spilled blood because of me. 

I stab myself in the thigh with a piece of ragged glass, because why the fuck do I keep hurting him?

A/N: sorry for long time no update!! btw here is the song i vibed to when i wrote this chapter, listen to it for max giyushino :0 

 ww.youtube.com/watch?v=wXFLzODIdUI&list=PLX5befRLKGUm985-vtUlQmk-u7vyLRSZU&index=5&ab_channel=HYBELABELS

song name (if the link doesnt work) :P ~ Bite Me (ENHYPHEN)