burning bibles ; phan [COMPLETED]

♡ melancholy ♡

tw: depression, abuse, bullying, violence

phil

i was rotting.

i was dying.

everything was black and gray.

everything was lifeless without dan.

my world was shutting down. i couldn't remember what happened when i came home on friday. i think all i did was cry.

i hadn't left my bed in almost a week after dan left. mother didn't know what was wrong with me. i told her on saturday i didn't feel well, and said the same thing on sunday. monday, i refused to get up and go to school. i couldn't move. i had cried so much in the last few days then i ever had in my life. i felt so empty. i felt weak and useless.

dan never left my head. i tried to block him out. i wanted to get up and go to school on monday but the fear inside wouldn't let me.

mother didn't understand. mother thought i was being dramatic. monday morning she stood by my bed staring at me. i didn't look at her but i could feel her dagger eyes. i was facing the wall of my bedroom curled up under the blankets. i felt sick.

"phil, get up, i'm done with this," she said through her teeth. i didn't move. the blankets were pulled over my head and i didn't move.

"phil, you've barely eaten, you haven't showered, you need to get up!" she yelled. she was yelling now.

"get up!" she screamed and pushed on my back hard. she moved my body over a few inches. my nose was pushed up against the wall.

i laid still, nothing mattered anymore. nothing she did or said made me move.

mother called the doctor that day.

"i don't know what to do dr. bates," she said softly outside the door to my room.

"tell me his symptoms again, and when did it start?"

"saturday he said he didn't feel well and didn't get out of bed, same thing on sunday. i had to forced rice down his throat to get him to eat something. he just lays in his bed and doesn't move." mother sounded stressed.

"any depressive episodes like this in the past?" dr. bates asked.

"no, he's always such a happy kid!" mothers words almost made me laugh, she was lying through her teeth because when was i ever a happy kid.

dr. bates came into my room and tried to talk to me but i refused. i didn't more or speak. i couldn't. everything around me was black. dr. bates took my temperature and listening to my breathing and shined a light in my eyes.

she then left, telling my mother if i don't get better soon, to bring me to the hospital. but i knew mother wouldn't, she didn't care that much.

on tuesday, she called chris.

chris was standing by the edge of my bed.

"phil," he sighed as he sat on the corner of my bed. i glanced at him. my eyes filled with tears when i saw how sad chris was. i didn't want him to see me like this.

"is it dan or the guys at school," chris said in a low voice. my bedroom door was closed but we both knew mother was probably trying to listen through the door.

"both," i croaked out. chris nodded.

"i will do everything i can to help at school, but you have to come phil, we need you too," chris replied, his eyes wide. i just nodded and turned my head away from him. chris was right but i wasn't ready yet. i needed more time.